E111: Don't Pull That Trigger (Word)!

Show Notes

Episode 6: Don’t Should on Yourself!
Vanity Fair Article on Jerry Falwell, Jr

Questions for Reflection

In each episode, we offer you a few prompts to think about how that day's conversation applies to you. Our supporters over at Buy Me a Coffee now have exclusive access to the PDF versions of all our Questions for Reflection. Join us today!   

1. Can you think of a time when you were triggered in a conversation? Was it the word or the person saying it that was the trigger?
2. Do you speak up and let people know what words not to use around you? Does it depend on the person?
3. How do you respond when someone tells you their trigger word(s)?
4. Do you think people are too sensitive and have too many triggers these days? 

Transcript

Beth Demme(00:04):
Welcome to the Discovering Our Scars Podcast.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (00:06):
Where we share personal experiences so we can learn from each other. I'm Steph.
 
Beth Demme(00:10):
And I'm Beth.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (00:11):
I've been in recovery for 15 years, and I am the author of Discovering My Scars: My Memoir About What's Done In The Darkness, Eventually Comes To Light.
 
Beth Demme(00:18):
I'm a lawyer turned pastor who's all about self-awareness and emotional health, because I know what it's like to have neither of those things.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (00:25):
Beth and I have been friends for years have gone through a recovery program together. And when I wanted to start a podcast, she was the only name that came to mind as co-host.
 
Beth Demme(00:32):
I didn't hesitate to say yes because I've learned a lot from sharing personal experiences with Steph over the years.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (00:38):
We value honest conversations and we hope you do, too.
 
Beth Demme(00:41):
On today's show, we're going to have an honest conversation titled, "Don't Pull That Trigger Word."
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (00:47):
Then we'll share a slice of life and the show will close with Questions for Reflection, where we will invite you to reflect on the conversation in your own life.
 
Beth Demme(00:54):
Trigger words.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (00:55):
Just that word alone is triggering, Beth.
 
Beth Demme(00:58):
Right?
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (00:58):
This is a lot. I guess we should start out by... Well, first of all, we should start out by saying we are remote this morning. We're just going to be extra safe.
 
Beth Demme(01:07):
Out of an abundance of caution.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (01:09):
Out of abundance of caution. It's January 20, 2022.
 
Beth Demme(01:15):
We both had to be out in the wild for some different, things and we don't want to be the reason each other gets sick, so we're going to be careful.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (01:24):
Exactly. Trigger words. I think we should probably start by saying, what is a trigger word, Beth? As a lawyer, how would you define it?
 
Beth Demme(01:32):
I don't know about that part, but I think the way we're using it today for our purposes is it's a word that triggers a negative feeling and often is related to some past trauma, or honestly, a lot of what we'll talk about today is just things that annoy us and how there are certain words that trigger this annoyance for us. I don't think we're the only ones who have that.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (01:58):
I mean, I think a lot of people should have trigger words. I think it's something that...
 
Beth Demme(02:02):
No, no, no. Should is one of the triggers.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (02:06):
No. Actually that's our collective trigger word. Both of it's a trigger word for us, would you say?
 
Beth Demme(02:12):
Yes. I have learned from you that when someone tries to say that word to me, I just look at them and go "Don't should on me."
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (02:19):
Yeah. Well you never--
 
Beth Demme(02:20):
It works.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (02:21):
Yes and it's true. If someone tells you, you "should" do something, I have this gut reaction of do not tell me what to do. Do not tell me how I'm going to live my life. Uh-oh. No. The five-year old comes out in me and I'm like, "Mm-hmm (negative). I will not."
 
Beth Demme(02:38):
Even if I agree with them.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (02:39):
Yes.
 
Beth Demme(02:40):
I still have that reaction. Even if I'm like, yeah, that's a good idea, but I don't like the way you just should'd on me.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (02:44):
Yeah. I don't think anyone likes to be told what they should do, what they have to do, what they need to do. We all have to discover that. I think that's just human nature. We all have to get there, and there's better ways of helping someone get there than shoulding on them.
 
Beth Demme(03:00):
Right.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (03:02):
Actually "should" has been a major topic for us. We talked about that early on. I think it was like episode six or something of the podcast.
 
Beth Demme(03:10):
We'll have to put a link to it.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (03:10):
Yeah.
 
Beth Demme(03:10):
Yeah. We'll put a link to it in the show notes to be sure, but it was one of our early ones. Part of that was because it was something that I really learned from you.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (03:18):
Yeah.
 
Beth Demme(03:18):
That we wanted to talk about.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (03:21):
We should put the link to that one.
 
Beth Demme(03:25):
We want to. We will put the link.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (03:27):
We'll change our shoulds into want tos and that's basically what we talk about in that episode. That's a collective trigger word for sure, for both of us. But for you, do you have a list of trigger words in your head that you know are triggers for you? Or is it something you kind of feel in the moment when someone's saying it to you?
 
Beth Demme(03:47):
Most often it's something that I just feel in the moment. And then over time, you kind of realize, every time I hear this, it resonates in the same way with me. One of them for me is anytime somebody says, "The Bible clearly says."
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (04:04):
Oh yeah.
 
Beth Demme(04:05):
I can't even help it. My eyebrows just shoot up to the top of my forehead. I'm like, "What?" Because I think there is so little that is clear in the Bible. And also, I've found when I go back and read some of my old blog posts where I have used it and I'm like, "Oh no! I have to edit that right now. I can't leave it that way!"
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (04:28):
Yeah. I would agree with you on that. Anytime I hear somebody say something like that, it's like an eye roll from me, for sure. If they could see my face, I have to really be careful that I don't make it so obvious.
 
Beth Demme(04:39):
Before I went to seminary, I did a program through Princeton Theological Seminary where I got a Certificate in Theology and Ministry and it was a way for me to test online learning for myself and also kind of test the idea of seminary. There was actually one of the graduate assistants who was helping to run the technology, he would do that. A student would say, "Well, the Bible..." because it's all pastors for the most part. They're all trying to get continuing education. One of them would be like, "Well, the Bible clearly says," and he would do that. He would go [indicates raised eyebrows]. I messaged him about it, and I was like, "So I could see you had a reaction to that," and he was like, "Yeah. Gotta learn to control my face." I get that. I feel the same way. "The Bible clearly says," or "scripture clearly says," or "Jesus clearly says," that's always like, "oh, you're about to lay some of your interpretation on me. I am going to be wary of that."
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (05:36):
How do you respond when someone says that?
 
Beth Demme(05:38):
It depends. It depends on the situation. I think a lot of this for me is about self-awareness, because I don't want to unnecessarily create a negative reaction or have a conversation that's not going to be fruitful, right? If it's in passing, it's not somebody whose opinion is really essential to me, I can let it go. I might then, two hours later or whatever, turn to my husband and be like, "Can you believe they said the Bible 'clearly'?" It's that kind of thing.
 
Beth Demme(06:10):
I hold it in until later. But if it's somebody who I really think would hear me, well, "but what about this"? I try to offer a different perspective. But sometimes I know that different perspective is just going to land completely flat. I don't always use my time and emotion that way.
 
Beth Demme(06:30):
What about for you? Do you have a list of trigger words or is it more like something you feel in the moment?
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (06:36):
Yeah, I would agree that it's more kind of feeling in the moment, and it really is dependent on who's saying it. A word is just a word, but it's all in how it's delivered, who delivers it. Something that's triggering for me pretty much from anyone saying it, which I think we've talked about this before, but when people talk about stickers and sticky things. The more they go on about that, especially if there is a sticky thing there, that is very triggering for me because it relates back to past abuse.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (07:12):
It sounds so silly that you talking about like stickers would be a trigger thing for me. That's so hard for someone to fully understand how that affects me, but that's something that anybody talking about that, it has an impact on me that it would probably have to no one else.
 
Beth Demme(07:34):
Right. Yeah. I mean, that's the thing, it's very personal. It's very individualized. Actually, that was one of the things that when you first told me about it, I was like, I didn't get it. I'm like, sticky name tags, who cares if you have a sticky name tag? And then I understood. I was like okay. Probably the second or third time you said it to me, I was like, oh right.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (07:56):
Stop talking about it.
 
Beth Demme(07:57):
This is a trigger word. I can stop talking about it.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (07:59):
Stop treating it like it's nothing.
 
Beth Demme(08:02):
I'm thinking I'm being lighthearted and really I'm being a jerk.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (08:05):
And I think that sometimes happens when somebody tells you something... I know I've seen that when I tell people about this, especially when I was younger and the people were younger. I kind of brush it off like, oh, that's silly, and not really understand the severity of that. Because that's something that I'm trying to be more aware of, especially as I get older. If somebody tells me something that bothers them or is triggering for them, even if they say it lighthearted like, "Ha, ha! That's..." Yeah, don't say that or something. And not even sitting me down like, "This is something that's really bothering me." I try to respect that and to not bring that up and to know that about that person. Especially the close people in my life, I try to know the things that are triggering areas for them or things that they've gone through and not brush it off as a hilarious joke to bother them with something that they've clearly told me or something I know about them that I think could be triggering for them.
 
Beth Demme(09:13):
Right. Like in high school, I realized that anytime I would see someone else scratching their nose, it made my nose itch. I said that to my friends, and so then the joke became that every time somebody saw me in the hallway, they were scratching their nose. I spent my whole senior year walking around scratching my nose, I guess. That was a funny thing. It was like, "Oh, this is going to get a reaction out of Beth, so we're going to do it." It's different with a trigger about something that is sensitive.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (09:42):
Yeah. That's still mean though, that your friends knew that and they get to do that.
 
Beth Demme(09:47):
It was funny. It was always funny. We just laughed about it.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (09:50):
Okay, as long as you were comfortable with it. But there have been things that I would joke off, "Ha, ha! So funny," and then it actually really bothered me. But there are other things that are triggering, depending on who's saying it. If someone calls me "girl," obviously that's just my gender. But I've had older men call me "girl" before and I find that very offensive the way it is said. The way I kind of look at it is, would this person say the same thing to a man of my age? Would they call them a "boy"? Usually, the answer is no.
 
Beth Demme(10:34):
You can tell based on who's saying it and the context in which they're saying it, you can tell if it's meant to be derogatory or demeaning or to diminish you. That's probably how they mean it.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (10:48):
Yeah. And if it's one of my friends that says something like, "Hey, girl," I'd be like that's just fun.
 
Beth Demme(10:54):
Yeah, yeah.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (10:56):
But actually my friends, we call ourselves "the ladies" because we don't call ourselves "the girls." These are my girls. Well, I guess we do say these are my girls. I guess we would say that, but we mostly say ladies. That's more endearing because you can say it. You can say it because it's...
 
Beth Demme(11:14):
Well, right. You're including yourself in part of a collective, so that's a little bit different than someone singling you out and being like, "You're a girl. Why are you in the tool department?" Or "Wow! I'm really surprised a girl can do that." Come on.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (11:30):
We've had comments on YouTube where they say all these nice things, "You girls are so good." Really? My mom is like in her sixties. Really? Still a girl? Okay. "You women are great." Thank you.
 
Beth Demme(11:44):
Right. Right. Yeah.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (11:46):
It's not that hard. We get it a lot with tools in Home Depot and things like that. We'll get "girl."
 
Beth Demme(11:54):
Mm-hmm (affirmative). And really context is everything, right? I mean, you and I have both lived here in North Florida pretty much our whole lives. We know that we can say "bless your heart" and we can mean that in a lot of different ways.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (12:12):
Oh, I always mean it in one way.
 
Beth Demme(12:16):
Which is a maybe not sincere way.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (12:19):
Yeah, and it's interesting. I thought everybody knew this, but I just told a friend about this the other day. I don't know how it came up, but I was like, "Bless your heart is a slap in the face," and he was like, "What?" "Yeah. When someone in the South says 'bless your heart,' it means 'I want to slap your face," but I'm going to smile and say 'bless your heart.'"
 
Beth Demme(12:40):
Right. It's like, oh, "how could you think that or say that? Oh, bless your heart. You really are not smart."
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (12:46):
It's pretty derogatory. I don't know. Maybe that's not universally known or maybe it's only known here. Probably.
 
Beth Demme(12:54):
That would be interesting. I mean, it would be interesting to know how regionally specific is that phrase? Is it the whole Southeast? Is it just here? I don't know.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (13:06):
The people that say it, would they admit that it's negative? I do know someone that says it sincerely, which I only know because I really know her. I don't know that I've necessarily heard her use it in the negative, but...
 
Beth Demme(13:28):
Right. I can see myself using it when someone has described a really... Sometimes I'll get a text message from somebody asking me to pray for them because they're sick or whatever and it's like, "Oh, bless your heart. That sounds really hard." And I mean that sincerely. But also I have used it the other way like, "Ugh, bless her heart."
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (13:53):
I don't think I've ever used it sincerely. I don't really use it myself, because it's so... Yeah. But I use it like more sarcastically to people not to their faces, but about somebody. I feel like this is making me sound like a really bad person. I'm rethinking it. No, I'm still going to say it. Yeah, okay. Not to their face. Behind their back. Yes. That's how it's used. Well, the people that use it, they use it to their face.I don't use it to their face.
 
Beth Demme(14:26):
Yeah.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (14:28):
It's just a way of describing someone. It kind of is.
 
Beth Demme(14:31):
It kind of is. Yeah.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (14:33):
It kind of is. When you say that to someone else, oh, okay. It's like a way of describing someone. Oh, you know, they're one of those "bless your heart" kind of people. Oh. I think that's how it came up with my friend, and I was like, "They're one of those." And he's like, "What?" Maybe this is more specific to our area.
 
Beth Demme(14:51):
Maybe so. Maybe so.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (14:53):
Growing up here, I'm very familiar with "bless your heart" people. Well, I also have another category for them, but I'm not going to say that.
 
Beth Demme(15:03):
It's like that idea of being like saccharin sweet, like overly sweet. Everything is going to sound like I'm saying it in a way that is nice, but really I am cutting you with a thousand cuts, right? Bless your heart.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (15:22):
I don't think I could ever say it sincerely actually. I can't imagine myself saying it sincerely. I'm such not a Southern girl, but also I am because of where I live. But I'm just like, I don't think I can say it sincerely. I'm not going to work on that either.
 
Beth Demme(15:37):
You know, you really should.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (15:39):
Oh, should I?
 
Beth Demme(15:43):
I'm noticing more and more that people are actually... On social media, they'll start a post with either TW for trigger warning or CW for content warning. Recently I was on Instagram and that was actually the image was just the words "trigger warning," and then they went into a pretty vulnerable post about some trauma they had experienced. I think that's good. I think it's good to let people know, "I'm about to share something heavy. And so you can keep scrolling if you're not ready for heavy." What do you think?
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (16:23):
I don't know if you see these things, but I follow a lot of DIYers and trigger warning and Instagram will automatically block out something if it's like a cut hand or something.
 
Beth Demme(16:37):
I didn't know that.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (16:38):
Something that could be triggering for someone. Well, table saws are dangerous. There's a lot of people that will post picture of their hand cut off from table saw or their hand not cut off, but just barely cut because they have a SawStop table saw, which is the very best all to have. It will automatically break the blade if your finger touches it. Highly recommend that. Don't get any other brand of table saw because I've seen some pictures. Anyways, Instagram will blur those, and then it's like, "Ooh, I want to. See what is it?"
 
Beth Demme(17:09):
I feel like we should have had a trigger warning before you could share it, because now I have all these images of the hands and mangled fingers.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (17:16):
I'll go back in editing and say... Here. Hold on. Be quiet for a second. Trigger warning. Okay, I'll edit that into the...
 
Beth Demme(17:23):
That was very official. That was very official.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (17:25):
I'll edit that into the beginning so that people have that. I can do that kind of stuff. Because where audio, the whole thing is blurred. You don't see what we're doing, and we don't have to put a blur on it either.
 
Beth Demme(17:38):
When you see that, it makes you curious about what...
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (17:43):
Well, I'll read the description to get an idea of what I'm about to see. Sometimes I don't always look at them. But nine times out of 10 it's a table saw incident, because it's one of the most dangerous tools in your workshop. And that's why we have a SawStop, which is the only brand to have of tables saw. Otherwise, you're going to have trigger pictures on Instagram that they're going to blur out because you cut off your finger.
 
Beth Demme(18:07):
I run a Facebook group for United Methodist clergywomen, it's got over 3,000 people in it. Pretty regularly someone is like, "Content warning, this is going to reference sexual abuse, or trigger warning, this is going to reference domestic violence or pregnancy loss," or whatever it might be. They try to kind of give a heads up. I think that's good. I think it's good to give people the option, instead of just laying it on them.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (18:39):
Yeah, I totally agree with that. It kind of prepares you. I know when I see that I'll be like, okay, is this something I want to look at? Is this something I want to read? And that's something that there are people in my life that do a good job of this and a bad job with this. I have sexual abuse in my past. And anytime someone tells me a story of someone that is going through that, has gone through that in any kind of graphic detail, it's very triggering for me. It's less of a word. It's more of a situation, I guess, when someone tells me that.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (19:14):
That's tough. Because even in the moment when someone's giving the details, depending on who it is, I can't even... It's hard for me to say like, "I don't want to hear this because I'm just trying to focus and not listen." Those kinds of things are definitely triggering for me based on my history. I think that's where our trigger words or trigger situations come from. It's all based on our past. No one knows someone's full past and everything they've gone through.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (19:46):
For me, if somebody tells me something, whether they tell me it's something and triggering or not, if I know something that they've dealt with in the past and that could be triggering, I try to not talk about it, or before I say something about it, kind of bring it up and say, "Is this something that you would want me to talk about?" For them to be in the driver's seat to say yes or no to having that conversation.
 
Beth Demme(20:16):
Yeah, it's just a way to be kind and to be a good friend, right? Oh, I don't want to hurt you, so I'm going to take this extra step to not hurt you. Do no harm, right? Do no harm. That's our thing. Do no harm. Some triggers I can be kind of light-hearted about them, like the whole "the Bible clearly says." I can kind of internally or externally roll my eyes at that one. That's different than triggering someone who has had a traumatic experience. I do think there's maybe a spectrum on this in some way.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (20:51):
I would agree, but also I think by triggering someone, it also changes the conversation, even if it's something like girl. I had somebody... A whole long story, but someone just was being very complimentary of me and my mom, what we do, and ended it with saying something like, "You go girl," or something girl at the end. To me, it kind of negated everything they just said. I was like, oh, okay, well now you just kind of made me small by ending it that way.
 
Beth Demme(21:32):
But "you go girl" is not... It's different.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (21:34):
It wasn't necessarily "you go girl," and it was a white guy. I don't remember what he said. It wasn't like...
 
Beth Demme(21:42):
"Way to go, girls."
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (21:44):
Maybe it was.
 
Beth Demme(21:45):
That would be different.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (21:45):
Yeah, but... I don't know. Whatever it was, it did rub me the wrong way and I was like, "oh, okay, well, that just kind of like threw away everything you said."
 
Beth Demme(21:54):
But that really brings up that our trigger words are really more about us than about the other person. I mean, unless they know it's a trigger or they know that-
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (22:03):
No, I agree.
 
Beth Demme(22:04):
...that it has a specific connotation, then it's like, well, the trigger words are really about what is being triggered in us, what's being manifested in us.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (22:15):
Yes, I agree. But I also think there are words that... I don't think any man should call a 35 year old "girl." I'm not a girl. Do you tell a 34 year old man he's a "boy"? It's a way to demean someone. Yes, it may be more triggering for me than someone else that's a 35 year old woman. They may be like, oh, whatever. We've talked about this before when we were talking about being sexually harassed. There were things that you're like, "That's not sexual harassment."I'm like, "That absolutely, absolutely is." It's all the way how the individual interprets it.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (22:59):
I mean, it all is sexual harassment, whether you think it is or not. Obviously that conversation ended with me being correct. I want to see society do better. I want to see all of us do better and recognize what is not appropriate and what is. I think there are still some old school kind of thoughts out there. Even though it may trigger me and it might not trigger you, it could be the same guy saying it and it may not trigger you, I still think it's something that has no place in our society.
 
Beth Demme(23:35):
What would you say to people who say that we're too sensitive as a society? I hear this. I don't agree with it. Check my Twitter if you want to see how I feel about it. But the idea that, oh, we're all just snowflakes. Everybody has to be politically correct. We're too sensitive. What would you say to people who think that?
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (23:56):
I think we will never be sensitive enough. I think we're all too involved in our own lives to ever truly be fully sensitive to every single person, every single need. I think that's kind of by design. I think we are designed to take care of ourselves and to strive to do whatever in this world. I, as an individual, want to continue to learn about people different than myself. I want to continue to hear people's stories.I want to continue to open my world view.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (24:30):
Because the bigger my world is, the more I can understand the world and the more I can make choices in the way I vote, make choices in the way I spend my money. The more I know about those things, I think the better. The more we all know about those things, I think the better we will be as a society. I don't think we'll ever get to this place where we are thinking of others before ourselves and things like that. No, I don't think we are too sensitive.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (25:00):
I think there's too many different types of people for you to say, as a society, we are too sensitive to everybody's needs. No, we're not sensitive enough. What do you think?
 
Beth Demme(25:12):
Yeah. Well, I agree. I think the people who I hear complaining about political correctness really just want to be insensitive and they want everybody to put up with their refusal to be kind. They just want to be allowed to be unkind and for the rest of us to make allowances for that, because they're too immature to grow. I don't have a lot of patience for it.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (25:35):
And I think people are scared to say they don't know something or don't understand something. They want to be the authority on this, that, and the other. I mean, I've had a lot of conversations within the last few years is now with people about the fact that our education is racist. We were barely taught about slavery and really what it was and how horrific it was. It was just very much whitewashed. When I bring that up to certain people, they're very offended because they take it as a personal attack on them being a racist and they absolutely are not.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (26:17):
I don't understand that, because I'm not calling you a racist. I'm calling us all, our education system. If we can see that, then we can make change. But if you can't get past that fact, then we will never be able to get past that. I think it's important to realize that there's... I don't think there's ever going to be a point in my life where I just know it all. Oh, I know it all. I'm authority of everything. I never will, and I'm okay with that. I'm okay and I want to be learning every day. When I'm 93, I want to still be learning and growing and understanding other people.
 
Beth Demme(26:58):
Bless your heart.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (27:00):
Well, hey!
 
Beth Demme(27:06):
We have a ton of fun making this podcast, and we love knowing that you have fun listening. Some of you have asked how you can support us in this work. Well, actually there is something you can do. We're now on buymeacoffee.com. You can go there and become a monthly supporter or just buy us a one time cup coffee or tea for Steph.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (27:25):
Yep.
 
Beth Demme(27:26):
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One of the great things about Buy Me a Coffee is that you actually get an email when we post new content. You can go straight there, and you don't have to deal with ads or being bombarded with other content. You see exactly the content you are looking for without a bunch of distractions.
 
Beth Demme(27:56):
We post once or twice for each episode, and we're excited to get your feedback as members of our Buy Me a Coffee page. There's a support link in the description where you can find out more and a sign up.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (28:10):
Slice of life. Beth, what do you have for me today? What's been going on in your life?
 
Beth Demme(28:15):
Okay. I read this Vanity Fair article this week that I just want to invite people to read if you have any interest in this at all the way they I do, and it actually sort of relates to the idea of the Bible clearly says. One of the folks who has really used that as a weapon to support their own political purposes and to really try to pull power together was Jerry Falwell Sr., who's now deceased. Well, his son, Jerry Falwell Jr., was part of a pretty big scandal.
 
Beth Demme(28:53):
Anyway, Vanity Fair spent eight plus months interviewing he and his wife and they just released a great big piece about it. And normally everything on Vanity Fair is behind a paywall, but you do get one article for free. I would highly recommend that you use your one article on this, if you're at all into like church gossip type stuff, because I just find it fascinating.
 
Beth Demme(29:18):
I find it fascinating to be how he was. This person has become a multi, multimillionaire really off of the ideas of telling other people how they should live while living a completely different life himself and how there's... I mean, I find it fascinating, so I just wanted to let people know that it was out there.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (29:47):
Was it your free article or did you subscribe for it?
 
Beth Demme(29:50):
It is my free article.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (29:51):
Okay, nice.
 
Beth Demme(29:52):
Yeah. I saw a link to it from somewhere else and I was like, oh, I'm not going to be able to read it because it's the paywall, but I was actually... That's how I found out I got one for free. It's called "Inside Jerry Falwell Jr.'s Unlikely Rise and Precipitous Fall at Liberty University," which is a very boring title for what is a very interesting article if you're interested in those kind of people and in that world and that kind of hypocrisy.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (30:18):
That is right up your alley. I can see you really enjoying that. We'll put a link in the description to that. We want to remind you that you can find us anytime on our websites if you want to check in with us, see what's going on or read blog posts, join our newsletters. All those things you can check us out. Beth is at bethdemme.com. There's a link of description, and I am at stephaniekostopoulos.com, which there's a link in the description so you don't have to spell it.
 
Beth Demme(30:50):
Last names are tricky. Last names are like...
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (30:53):
I'll spell it for you.
 
Beth Demme(30:53):
Mine's short, but it's hard to spell. Yours is long, but it's hard to spell. They can just be tricky.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (30:57):
No, yeah. There's no middle ground for sure. We also want to remind you that we have a phone number that you're welcome to text or call. We sometimes ask you questions. We have in previous episodes. If you want to answer something from one of those, or if you just want to share anything, you are welcome to do that. And our phone number is.
 
Beth Demme(31:16):
850-270-3308.
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (31:22):
At the end of each episode, we end with Questions for Reflection. These are questions based on today's show that Beth will read and leave a little pause between for you to answer yourself or you can find a PDF on our Buy Me A Coffee page.
 
Beth Demme(31:33):
Number one. Can you think of a time when you were triggered in a conversation? Was it the word or the person saying it that was the trigger? Number two. Do you speak up and let people know what words not to use around you? Does it depend on the person? Number three. How do you respond when someone tells you their trigger words? And number four. Do you think people are too sensitive and have too many triggers these days?
 
Stephanie Kostopoulos (32:03):
This is been the Discovering Our Scars Podcast. Thank you for joining us.