Show NotesQuestions for Reflection
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The 10 Questions
Transcript
Beth Demme (00:03):
Welcome to the Discovering Our Scars podcast. Stephanie Kostopoulos (00:06): Where we share personal experiences so we can learn from each other. Beth Demme (00:08): Our mission is to talk about things you might relate to, but that you don't hear being discussed in other places. Stephanie Kostopoulos (00:13): Our hope is that you're encouraged to have honest conversations with people in your own life. I'm Steph. Beth Demme (00:17): And I'm Beth. On today's show, we're going to have an honest conversation titled: 10 Ways To Start A Conversation. Stephanie Kostopoulos (00:23): Then we'll share a slice of life, and the show will close with questions for reflection, where we invite you to reflect on the conversation in your own life. Beth Demme (00:30): I think this is an episode you're super excited about. When I was like, "Hey, let's do these 10 questions from the Actors Studio, you were like, "Oh, yay. Small talk. This'll be fabulous." Have you been really pumped up for this? Stephanie Kostopoulos (00:45): First of all, it sounds like you're shoulding on me, that you think I should like this, but I don't. I don't appreciate your tone. I just wanted to be clear about that. Beth Demme (00:54): My note literally says, "Steph can be grumpy about it." Stephanie Kostopoulos (00:58): Thank you for permission. I don't need permission to choose my grumpy moments. Stephanie Kostopoulos (01:02): No. When you first proposed it, I was like, "What is this?" Number one, because I didn't know what the questions were. Then you said them, and I said, "Okay," because yes, spoiler, I'm not a big fan, in a conversation, of randomly asking questions. I'm a fan of genuinely knowing something about the person I'm talking about and asking them questions within that space. Stephanie Kostopoulos (01:25): Like, Beth, I know you're a pastor. So instead of saying, "What do you think about the weather today?," I would say, "Hey, Beth. How is pastoring your new church going?" Then I would think, "Is that how you say that?" But then I'd be like, "It's fine. She'll excuse my terminology for that." Stephanie Kostopoulos (01:45): I prefer those kind of conversations than random things. But I get ... If you have no idea who the person is, and you're trying to have a conversation, get to know somebody, I get that you might have to ask some off the wall questions. Beth Demme (01:57): Yeah, you got to start somewhere. This might go back to our differences with me being an extrovert and you being an introvert. I actually really like small talk. I would probably rather- Stephanie Kostopoulos (02:06): Said no one. Beth Demme (02:09): Come on. I can't be the only person who likes small talk. Stephanie Kostopoulos (02:12): Yup. Beth Demme (02:12): No. Stephanie Kostopoulos (02:13): Yup. Beth Demme (02:14): Small talk doesn't have the pressure of, "Okay, well now, I have to think about how is it going at my new church. How is pastoring going?" That's a lot of pressure. Stephanie Kostopoulos (02:23): But it's so painful to have to answer such silly questions. Beth Demme (02:28): It's fun. It can be fun to just be something- Stephanie Kostopoulos (02:30): We have different definitions of fun. Beth Demme (02:33): Well, just to be lighthearted and, "Oh yeah. This is just ... We're just making conversation. It's not deep. It's not heavy. It's just-" Stephanie Kostopoulos (02:42): It's a skill. It's like a game. We're making conversation. It's like a little game. Beth Demme (02:46): Yeah. Stephanie Kostopoulos (02:46): The small talk game. Beth Demme (02:46): The small talk game. Stephanie Kostopoulos (02:48): I don't like games. Beth Demme (02:51): These 10 questions come from a show called Inside the Actors Studio. But also, they get used in a lot of different ways. I was reminded of them because I listen to this podcast called Crackers And Grape Juice, which is a reference to communion, Crackers And Grape Juice, by these United Methodists pastors. I think they're all out of Virginia. Beth Demme (03:11): Anyway, they always end their guest interviews with these 10 questions from Inside the Actors Studio. So I wanted to bring them to you, and I wanted to ask you the 10 questions. I think that in here somewhere, there are some conversation starters that people can- Stephanie Kostopoulos (03:27): I hope so, because that's what we titled our episode. Beth Demme (03:29): Yeah, that people can walk away with. Stephanie Kostopoulos (03:30): I think possibly. We're going to find out if each of these could start a conversation or end conversation, or if all 10 of them are required to have a full conversation. We're going to find out. Beth Demme (03:39): Yes. Or if we could ask all 10 of these- Stephanie Kostopoulos (03:42): You know what would make this more fun? Mimosas. Beth Demme (03:44): Mimosas would make this better. Beth Demme (03:45): The first question is, Steph, what is your favorite word? Stephanie Kostopoulos (03:52): I already feel like this is stupid. I was about to say silly, because we're not supposed to say stupid around my niblings. Beth Demme (04:01): Right. Stephanie Kostopoulos (04:01): Why, I don't know. It's not a curse word. Just negative I guess. Beth Demme (04:05): [crosstalk 00:04:05] not a word you want using ... You don't want them using it against other people. Stephanie Kostopoulos (04:08): Okay. What's my favorite word? I'm feeling like it might be stupid. I don't know why, but now I'm thinking maybe not. It seems like I shouldn't do that. My favorite word that I use a lot or just a word? Beth Demme (04:20): You're really bad at this. You just answer the question. You don't get to ask questions about the question. It's like, "What's your favorite word?" Probably a word pops into your head, and then, "Oh yeah. That's a great word." It doesn't have to be complicated or- Stephanie Kostopoulos (04:35): Gray. Beth Demme (04:35): Okay. Stephanie Kostopoulos (04:36): What's your favorite word? Beth Demme (04:37): Love. Stephanie Kostopoulos (04:39): Okay. I see why you wanted to go first. Beth Demme (04:44): What's your least favorite word? Stephanie Kostopoulos (04:46): Okay. I told you this yesterday. Let's see if I can remember. My least favorite word is unfortunately. Stephanie Kostopoulos (04:56): I don't like that word, because that was something we were banned at saying at Apple, because when you're talking to a customer, you want to tell them all the things you can do, not all the things you can't do. If you start out by saying, "Unfortunately, we can't do this, but we'll do this" ... You want to start out by saying, "What we can do for you is this," and not focus on what you can't do. Stephanie Kostopoulos (05:17): And unfortunately is so many syllables, so think about that, when you're saying that word to somebody, how much they're getting lower and lower and lower every syllable. Unfortunately. They're getting so sad. So I try to avoid that word, because I remember my Apple days, where it's so negative, and people don't want to hear that. They want to hear what you can do. Beth Demme (05:36): Good point. Stephanie Kostopoulos (05:37): What is your least favorite word? Beth Demme (05:39): Upchuck. Stephanie Kostopoulos (05:39): Okay. Beth Demme (05:40): It's so gross. Stephanie Kostopoulos (05:42): Did you think about these, or are you just like boom, boom? These are supposed to be rapid fire? Beth Demme (05:46): They're supposed to be rapid fire, but I did type them and think about them. Stephanie Kostopoulos (05:51): Was I supposed to do that? Beth Demme (05:52): I don't know. Stephanie Kostopoulos (05:53): It sounds like I should, based on how much I'm not having an answer. Beth Demme (05:57): In the show when he does it, I think that his expectation is that people haven't really thought about them, but since he always does it, or did it, I don't think the show's on anymore, I think people probably did have some advance idea that it was coming. Stephanie Kostopoulos (06:13): Okay. I'm going to ask you all these questions, and I'm going to answer them, since you've thought about them. Beth Demme (06:17): Okay. Stephanie Kostopoulos (06:18): Beth, what turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally, or all of the above? Beth Demme (06:25): I think it's the possibility of connection. When I write something, or when I am preparing a sermon, it's all done with the hope that it will help people feel connected to God, or themselves, or someone who's important to them. So I would say what turns me on creatively, spiritually or emotionally is connection. Stephanie Kostopoulos (06:54): What turns you off? Beth Demme (06:56): Negativity, but specifically, it's when folks are operating from a scarcity mindset, like there's not enough to go around. That happens a good amount in religion. Like, "There's not enough God to go around. You've got to follow this formula." Or, "There aren't enough resources in the church, so we're not going to be able to do what we need to do." So yeah, scarcity mindset. Stephanie Kostopoulos (07:20): What's your favorite curse word? We'll have to beep it. Beth Demme (07:23): I don't know where I picked this up, but it's the S word, but I don't usually ... I don't just say it. It's more fun to me to go, "Sugar Honey Iced Tea," but I don't know where I picked that up. It's the letters, but [crosstalk 00:07:38]. Stephanie Kostopoulos (07:37): I've never heard you say that. Beth Demme (07:38): Sorry. What curse would have you heard me say? Stephanie Kostopoulos (07:42): I think you avoid saying them around me, because you think I'll judge you. Beth Demme (07:45): No. Stephanie Kostopoulos (07:46): Do you just not use curse words then? Beth Demme (07:48): Yeah, I don't think I really use curse words that much. Stephanie Kostopoulos (07:50): Okay. What sound or noise do you love? Beth Demme (07:56): I love the sound of people coming home. At my house, whenever somebody comes home, we just do this thing where we're like, "Hey, I'm home." I just love hearing that. Stephanie Kostopoulos (08:06): What sound or noise do you hate? Beth Demme (08:09): Upchucking. Stephanie Kostopoulos (08:10): Gross. Beth Demme (08:12): I hate it. That's a legit thing. Of course it's gross. Stephanie Kostopoulos (08:15): What profession, other than your own, would you like to attempt? Beth Demme (08:19): Okay, this is actually something you might not know about me, but for a long time, especially in my 20s, I really, really wanted to be a stadium announcer. I would still like to attempt that some way, somehow. Stephanie Kostopoulos (08:31): What about it draws you to it? Beth Demme (08:34): The energy and the excitement and the connection of what's happening in whatever the game is. Yeah, and maybe just the volume of it, like a big, booming voice. I would like to try that. Stephanie Kostopoulos (08:46): If you were- Beth Demme (08:47): You who I really think of is the boxing guy. I would never do this for boxing or wrestling, but the guy who says, "Let's get ready to rumble." It's that kind of thing. I don't know. That just looks fun. Stephanie Kostopoulos (09:01): Yeah, yeah. Do you have a sport that would be your favorite to be an announcer of? Beth Demme (09:05): Well, the sport I know best is football, but that's a lot of pressure, because there's a lot happening. Stephanie Kostopoulos (09:10): Maybe it's a kids' football game. Beth Demme (09:12): Yeah. Although the stadium announcer doesn't say ... He's not like ... he or she ... Stephanie Kostopoulos (09:17): Oh, that's true. Yeah. They're not- Beth Demme (09:18): They're not the play by play. Stephanie Kostopoulos (09:21): Yeah. They're the hype people. Beth Demme (09:22): Yeah. Stephanie Kostopoulos (09:23): Yeah. That's true. Beth Demme (09:23): Yeah. So I could do that, or maybe do the hype at a basketball game. That would be fun. Stephanie Kostopoulos (09:29): Well, if I was to announce any sports game, it would be Quidditch. Beth Demme (09:34): Yeah. Now, that would be a lot to keep up with, right? Stephanie Kostopoulos (09:37): That's the sport I know the most. Beth Demme (09:38): Okay. Stephanie Kostopoulos (09:39): Yeah, yeah. Beth Demme (09:41): It's not a real sport, but okay. Stephanie Kostopoulos (09:43): And football is? How is- Beth Demme (09:46): Well, because humans can actually play football. Stephanie Kostopoulos (09:49): Humans can play Quidditch. Beth Demme (09:51): They can? Stephanie Kostopoulos (09:51): Wizard humans. Beth Demme (09:53): Yeah? Stephanie Kostopoulos (09:53): Wizards are humans. Beth Demme (09:55): Okay. Stephanie Kostopoulos (09:56): They're just wizards also. Beth Demme (09:58): Okay. Stephanie Kostopoulos (09:58): They're not Muggles. Muggles and wizards are all human. Beth Demme (10:02): Right. But they exist in someone's mind, whereas football is played in the actual realm of ... Stephanie Kostopoulos (10:12): I am not going to do it now, because we're recording, but I will Google this, and you will see videos of colleges playing Quidditch. It's silly, but they're playing it. Beth Demme (10:22): They have flying brooms? Stephanie Kostopoulos (10:25): Well, no, because- Beth Demme (10:26): Oh. Well, that's an essential element of Quidditch. Stephanie Kostopoulos (10:28): No. The principle of Quidditch still is the same. You're on your broomstick, on the ground. Beth Demme (10:34): [crosstalk 00:10:34] and the thing flies. Stephanie Kostopoulos (10:36): It doesn't have to. In the movies it does. Beth Demme (10:39): And in the books. Stephanie Kostopoulos (10:40): When you play Quidditch in real life, you don't fly. Beth Demme (10:43): Well, then it's something different. It's not Quidditch. Stephanie Kostopoulos (10:45): It is Quidditch. There are Quidditch teams in colleges. Beth Demme (10:48): They should call it something else, because it's not Quidditch. Stephanie Kostopoulos (10:51): What profession would you not like to do? Beth Demme (10:54): I would not like to be a landscaper or a gardener, because I don't really like to be outside. Stephanie Kostopoulos (10:59): I guess you wouldn't like to play Quidditch either. Beth Demme (11:03): Probably not. Stephanie Kostopoulos (11:04): If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you're at the pearly gates? Beth Demme (11:10): I don't know that that's really how it works, that there are gates, or that God will say something, but I hope there is at least the sense of, "I'm really glad you're here," a sense of welcome. Stephanie Kostopoulos (11:22): Would you rather ... This is not one of the 10 questions, but this is a question I'm going to ask, because it will lead into the next thing. Would you rather answer questions or ask questions? Beth Demme (11:32): I would probably rather ask questions. How about you? Since you got out of answering the questions, and you just went to asking them, we probably know your answer. Stephanie Kostopoulos (11:42): Well, you pre-did them. I didn't know we were supposed to pre-do them. Beth Demme (11:45): Well, I just- Stephanie Kostopoulos (11:47): You were prepared. Beth Demme (11:48): I've known about these questions. Stephanie Kostopoulos (11:49): So you've already thought about them. Okay. Beth Demme (11:50): I've thought about them. Yeah. Stephanie Kostopoulos (11:51): I would definitely rather ask questions, depending on the conversation. If it was questions like this, I'd rather ask them. If it's things that are related to me that I can easily answer, I'd rather probably answer. Beth Demme (12:06): All of these questions are about you. Every question is something about you. Stephanie Kostopoulos (12:12): So then I guess I don't like answering questions about myself. Well, I will say ... Stephanie Kostopoulos (12:18): Like we said at the beginning, small talk is a game. Conversation is kind of like a game. It's back and forth. There have been people in my life fairly recently that aren't playing the game. What I mean is I will ask questions about things in their life, and they just give me nothing in return. They don't ask any questions in return. They don't want to know anything about my life. It's very ... Stephanie Kostopoulos (12:41): I feel like I'm a loser. I'm losing at this game, because that's part of a conversation is you go back and forth. It's not like I ask question, you ask a question. But if I'm just asking all the questions, I feel like an interviewer, and I feel like I'm being invasive, like, "Tell me about this. Tell me this." I'm only asking because ... I do want to know, but I also want to strike a conversation. So I will say I've been a little turned off from conversation because of that, because that is something that's in my life. Stephanie Kostopoulos (13:18): There's also part of a conversation is when someone asks you something, you know in your head that the answer needs to be succinct, but enough where there's something to work off for the next thing I'm going to say. It needs to be semi-cheery and not too much of a downer, because that will also hurt the conversation. So there's kind of a lot of stuff involved. Honestly, I haven't had a lot of just general conversations recently. Beth Demme (13:49): I was going to say it is something that gets easier with practice. In a post-COVID world, even though we're not really totally post-COVID, "Hello, Delta variant," Stephanie Kostopoulos (13:57): We got to practice again. Beth Demme (14:00): Yeah. Stephanie Kostopoulos (14:01): And it's been a long time. I haven't been around a lot of people to small talk with and to have these kind of conversations. And most of my friends, most of us are introverts, so we also don't just talk just to hear ourselves talk. So yeah. We all have to work at it. Beth Demme (14:21): Do any of these questions ... Do you have answers for- Stephanie Kostopoulos (14:24): Yeah. You can ask me now. Beth Demme (14:25): I can ask you all of them? Stephanie Kostopoulos (14:27): Yeah. I said I was going to have you answer them, and then I would answer them. I didn't refuse to answer them. Beth Demme (14:33): Oh, okay. Roll the tape on that one, but okay. Stephanie Kostopoulos (14:37): It's actually a digital card, but [crosstalk 00:14:40] Beth Demme (14:42): I think we were this one. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally? Stephanie Kostopoulos (14:48): Well creatively, it would be a need some sort. That's why when we do projects, it's stuff ... We do projects for things we need. I know there's channels that a lot of our friends and people in our industry do things based on what's trendy, or there's people that will make 20 end tables because those do well. There's nothing wrong with that, but I can't really just come up with an idea just to come up with an idea. I come up with an idea based on a need. Stephanie Kostopoulos (15:22): Like right now, I just got a new bed frame and it's taller. So I want to build little drawers to go underneath it so I can hold stuff in it. That gets me excited. It gets me thinking of ideas. My bed is taller now, so I need to make a bigger bedside table. So I would say a need, something that I need, and then I want to solve it. Beth Demme (15:43): I can really see that. Yeah. That makes sense, that you see a problem, and you can also see a solution. So then you go through the steps that it takes to make the solution happen. Stephanie Kostopoulos (15:57): That's how Mother Daughter Projects came about was I needed to see how to rescreen a porch. I saw no videos online. I figured out how to do it. Then me and my mom made our own video. Because there was a need that I thought we could fill. Beth Demme (16:11): Yeah. I think the way that this works is I'm not really supposed to ask follow-up questions, but I'm going to anyway. Sometimes I will say that I like to feel useful, and that feels similar but different at the same time, because what's so great about your projects is that you identify the need, and you come up with a solution, and then you put it out there. If it's useful to people, that's great. But if for some reason, it weren't useful to people, it was so useful to you. Stephanie Kostopoulos (16:41): Yeah. It's true. That's the concept is if I found a need ... For example, last year, we bought a resin shed, and we put it together. You just follow the instructions, put it together. We filmed the process because we're content creators, so no wasted content. You always film it. You don't know if you're going to use it or not. We put it together, and we filmed it. Stephanie Kostopoulos (17:03): Literally, all we're doing is following the manual. Anyone can do that. Why they need a video to see how to do it? But after doing it, like I assumed, there was things that would have been easier if I had seen it in a video, but there were no videos on how to do this, because I had looked ahead of time. Stephanie Kostopoulos (17:17): So we put it out there, and that's one of our most popular videos now. We get comments all the time from people, because there was a couple things that we did differently from the manual, because it wasn't clear in the manual. We explained what we learned and what we would have done differently now that we know that. We have people all the time comment and say, "I did what you said. It was so much easier because of your experience having done that." Stephanie Kostopoulos (17:40): I know for me, I'd rather visually see something than read a manual. A lot of people are the same way. So they look to see if there's a video online instead of having to read all the manual. Beth Demme (17:49): Right. But it doesn't start ... You didn't scour YouTube, and you were like, "Oh wait. We're going to do this project because there are no videos about this." It was you had an actual need. Stephanie Kostopoulos (17:59): Yeah. That's how all of our projects evolve is needs in our life. There's nothing wrong with that, going about that as your business. But for me, I can't just be like, "Okay. Let's just make something random because this is what's doing well." It's always something that we have a need for in our lives. Stephanie Kostopoulos (18:16): I'm big on if there's something I need, or something that would be more convenient in my life, I want to figure out how to do that. I got into kayaking recently, and I was getting blisters on my fingers. So I was like, "Okay. I need kayaking gloves." Then I was like, "I want to be able to bring my phone," so I found out you can get this waterproof thing that if it falls in the water, it floats. Things like that. I like to be prepared for the things I'm doing, because I think it makes things more fun. It makes life more fun when you have the things you need. Beth Demme (18:47): Okay, Steph, what turns you off? Stephanie Kostopoulos (18:50): Trump supporters. Beth Demme (18:52): That was succinct. Beth Demme (18:54): What is your favorite curse word? Stephanie Kostopoulos (18:56): Well, as you know, I don't typically curse. I don't know. I feel the obvious word that people would think of is ... Beth Demme (19:05): Right. Stephanie Kostopoulos (19:06): So I guess I would say that. Beth Demme (19:07): Or the F word. We could say it that way. Stephanie Kostopoulos (19:09): Yeah, but then I get to beep it. Beth Demme (19:10): Okay. What sound or noise do you love? Stephanie Kostopoulos (19:14): First of all, I don't think there's any noise that I love. I can't think of any noise that I would love. Let me think of a sound. The sound my phone makes when I get a text message, because it's like, "Oh, I'm going to text with somebody." Beth Demme (19:26): Yeah, nice. Oh yeah. Somebody's reaching out. Yeah. Stephanie Kostopoulos (19:29): Then it's spam, and I'm like ... But most of the time, it's a fun conversation. Beth Demme (19:35): Well, I think we already previewed this, but what sound or noise to you hate? Stephanie Kostopoulos (19:40): I hate ASMR. I hate babies crying at a certain decibel level. Babies I don't know. Babies I do know, I'm okay with it. Beth Demme (19:51): Yeah. Stephanie Kostopoulos (19:52): I don't love [Mac 00:19:54] whining. Mac's whining noise. It's very annoying. And I don't like this sound ... Beth Demme (20:11): I'll try to remember that, because a few weeks, for our 100th episode, we're actually going to take a road trip, and part of that road trip, we're going to have to drive over the Swanee River. I always sing the chorus to Way Down Upon The Swanee River, and then I hold the ... Stephanie Kostopoulos (20:26): Oh my gosh. That's so funny. Beth Demme (20:28): ... to see how long I can hold it, to see if I can make it to the bridge, which is pretty far. But I will try to control myself. Stephanie Kostopoulos (20:37): I'm going to film that. I'm going to film it, and put it on our BMAC page when you do that. That's going to be great. Beth Demme (20:40): But it's a sound that you hate. I don't want to do that to you. Stephanie Kostopoulos (20:44): I know, but now it's funny that that came up. Now, I think it will be fun. Beth Demme (20:50): What profession, other than your own, would you like to attempt? Stephanie Kostopoulos (20:54): Policewoman. Beth Demme (20:56): Oh, really? To be an authority figure, or to be able to carry a gun? What about being a policewoman? Stephanie Kostopoulos (21:04): To serve my community and to help people in the right ways. Beth Demme (21:09): Nice. Stephanie Kostopoulos (21:11): No. I have no desire to carry a gun, but I know that's part of it. I thought about it. For a while, I thought of being in military, because my brother was in the military. Just being able to serve my community. But as I got older, I more and more saw just the horrors that is that, and just the politics of it all, and how much it's not helping. So now, I don't think I'd want to. Beth Demme (21:43): Yeah. But if you could- Stephanie Kostopoulos (21:43): But I do think we need good people in those professions. Beth Demme (21:46): Yeah. I think inherent in the question is if you could discard all the parts ... Because no job is perfect, right? No profession is perfect. So it's, setting those things aside, what would you like to attempt? Beth Demme (21:58): All right. The next one is what profession would you not like to do? Stephanie Kostopoulos (22:03): Trash man. I remember when I was a kid, my mom would tell me that the trash people make a lot of money. I was like, "Really? Well, that's a good job." As I get older and I think about it, I'm like, you know what? I think I would smell like trash all the time. Beth Demme (22:18): Right. Stephanie Kostopoulos (22:19): If there's any indication how bad my trash smells, then I don't want to smell like that. Beth Demme (22:25): The only thing about being a trash person ... Obviously, I'm not trying to argue with you about this. My perspective on it is it might be cool to drive the truck and operate that big arm. Stephanie Kostopoulos (22:35): Yes. That does look fun. Beth Demme (22:36): And pick up the trash can. Stephanie Kostopoulos (22:38): Well, that's different. Beth Demme (22:39): That might be kind of cool. Stephanie Kostopoulos (22:40): Yeah. For big trash, they have that little crane thing. Beth Demme (22:44): Yeah. Stephanie Kostopoulos (22:44): Yeah. That would be cool. But it would be hot. It would be smelly. Beth Demme (22:49): Yeah. Stephanie Kostopoulos (22:49): But I appreciate the people that do it, because we need you. Beth Demme (22:53): Me too. Always super happy to see them. Stephanie Kostopoulos (22:54): Yeah. Beth Demme (22:55): Yeah. Stephanie Kostopoulos (22:55): So appreciate it. Yes. Beth Demme (22:58): Since heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates. Stephanie Kostopoulos (23:03): "All is well." Beth Demme (23:05): Oh yeah. A sense of just wellness and wellbeing. Stephanie Kostopoulos (23:07): Well, the very last line of Harry Potter is, "All was well." So I like all is well. Beth Demme (23:13): I like that. Stephanie Kostopoulos (23:15): You know why that's the last line of Harry Potter? Beth Demme (23:18): Why? Stephanie Kostopoulos (23:18): Because it's 19 years later, and Harry touches his scar, and it's not hurting him, because Voldemort is gone and all was well. Beth Demme (23:29): Finally. Stephanie Kostopoulos (23:30): Yes. Beth Demme (23:33): You've answered all 10 of the questions. Stephanie Kostopoulos (23:36): I did it. Beth Demme (23:36): You did it. Stephanie Kostopoulos (23:37): Yeah. Beth Demme (23:38): You did a great job. Stephanie Kostopoulos (23:38): If you were to grade me on it, what grade would you give me? Beth Demme (23:42): I would give you an A-plus. Stephanie Kostopoulos (23:43): Liar. Beth Demme (23:45): [inaudible 00:23:45] Stephanie Kostopoulos (23:46): I would only give you a B. Beth Demme (23:48): Well, I will give you an A-plus. I don't know what to tell you. Stephanie Kostopoulos (23:52): I give you a B, because didn't come up with them on spur of the moment. And you thought about them ahead of time, which seems like cheating. Beth Demme (23:59): Okay. Stephanie Kostopoulos (24:00): Thus the B. It's going to bother you, because you're an A-plus girl. I know you're kind of like, "I'm going to not say anything, but it bothers me." You said it on a podcast before. Beth Demme (24:10): I'm at a point in my life where I can grade myself. Stephanie Kostopoulos (24:13): So what grade- Beth Demme (24:14): I know I did a great job. Stephanie Kostopoulos (24:20): Wow. Who won this conversation game? Beth Demme (24:23): There's no ... Stephanie Kostopoulos (24:24): You said you like games because someone wins. Beth Demme (24:26): Well, yeah, but I don't think of this in that way. Stephanie Kostopoulos (24:29): Okay. We should grade each other on every podcast and say who. Beth Demme (24:32): No. That would be terrible. Stephanie Kostopoulos (24:35): Who won the [crosstalk 00:24:36] conversation. Beth Demme (24:35): That would be terrible. Stephanie Kostopoulos (24:36): What do you think? Do you think any of these could be conversation starters? Beth Demme (24:39): I think any of these could be used to continue a conversation. I don't know that they're starters. You couldn't walk up to somebody and be like, "Hey, what's your favorite word?" But if you were in a conversation and there was a lull, you could tell a whole story about how you were listening to a podcast, and they were talking about these questions from The Actors Studio. "Some of them were kind of interesting, so I was just wondering what is your favorite word?" You could work it into a conversation. Stephanie Kostopoulos (25:04): Oh my gosh. That is a lot- Beth Demme (25:05): Is it a lot of effort? Stephanie Kostopoulos (25:07): That's a lot of effort. I don't think, "What is your favorite word?" is a great question. Beth Demme (25:11): Okay. Stephanie Kostopoulos (25:11): I don't love that one. Least favorite word I like. Your favorite curse word I think is just a little ... okay. Everything else I think could keep a ... could be vital to a conversation. Beth Demme (25:26): Yeah. Stephanie Kostopoulos (25:27): Yeah. Beth Demme (25:27): And it could help you find points of commonality, or points where you realize, "Oh yeah. We're just really different," which can also be interesting. Stephanie Kostopoulos (25:37): Which I think we found out in this conversation. Thanks for your time. Beth Demme (25:40): Oh good. Stephanie Kostopoulos (25:41): Would you have anything in common though by learning ... Do you think anyone would have the same answers? Beth Demme (25:46): I think there are probably a lot of people who hate ASMR. So I bet when you said that you hated that, they were like, "Yes." Stephanie Kostopoulos (25:52): And I bet half the people agree and the other half have no idea what it is. Beth Demme (25:56): Right. Yeah. What is it? Stephanie Kostopoulos (25:59): I don't remember what it stands for, but ASMR is basically when you hear this kind of talk. You feel soothed. It's soothing to you. You feel soothed. Beth Demme (26:13): But it doesn't soothe you. Stephanie Kostopoulos (26:15): I think maybe half the people feel comfort in it, and half the people are super annoyed by it. But it comes from when we were in our mother's womb. That is what it reminds us of. Some people. Half the people, it reminds us of that, and it makes us feel calm and fall asleep. Then the other half are like, "Heck no. I don't need to go back there. I'm good here today." I don't know. Beth Demme (26:38): I busted my way out of that place and I'm not going back. Stephanie Kostopoulos (26:42): It has seen as a sexual weird thing, but it is not. It is a thing that has been scientifically studied. It's a thing that people get soothed from and fall asleep to. Some people probably turned it into weird stuff, but it is something that- Beth Demme (26:58): People can make things weird. Stephanie Kostopoulos (26:59): Yeah. It is something that is a thing. It's like cilantro. Some people love it. Some people hate it. Beth Demme (27:05): Right. Stephanie Kostopoulos (27:05): I hate it. Beth Demme (27:07): Yeah. It tastes like soap, right? Stephanie Kostopoulos (27:08): It's gross. Yes. Beth Demme (27:09): Yeah. Stephanie Kostopoulos (27:09): Yeah. I also don't like blue cheese or Gorgonzola cheese, but that's less ... Beth Demme (27:15): I like both of those. Stephanie Kostopoulos (27:16): Yeah. Well that's less of a polarizing thing. Beth Demme (27:18): Actually, I like cilantro if it's chopped up and put in things. I just don't like it when there's a lot of it. Stephanie Kostopoulos (27:23): If I can't taste it, then it's okay. But then what's the point? Beth Demme (27:29): I think that these questions could bring up points of similarity or dissimilarity, because somebody might really love ASMR. Somebody might agree with you that it's really not amazing. Stephanie Kostopoulos (27:39): But you like it. You don't dislike it. Beth Demme (27:41): I don't dislike it. Right. Yeah. I can't think of a time when I was like, "I'm going to listen now to some ASMR so I can relax." Stephanie Kostopoulos (27:48): Yeah. I think I'm going to ask you one more last final question, the 11th question that you don't know ahead of time. Beth Demme (27:55): That I didn't prep for? Stephanie Kostopoulos (27:56): That you didn't prep for. Beth Demme (27:57): Yikes. Stephanie Kostopoulos (27:57): So we'll see how you do. Beth Demme (28:00): Okay. Stephanie Kostopoulos (28:02): If you could go anywhere in the world, for free, with any one person, where would you go, and how long would you stay, and who's the person? Beth Demme (28:16): I haven't been to Scotland, and it's pretty high on my list. So I would probably go there. Again, I would go with my husband. We would drive all around and see all the things. Stephanie Kostopoulos (28:25): How long did you say? Beth Demme (28:28): Probably two weeks. When we've done vacations before, by the time we get to around the end of the second week, we're both like ... we're ready to be home. So I don't think we would stay longer than that. Although we have not been to Australia, and we do plan to go there, and we plan to stay longer than two weeks, so that probably should have been my answer. Stephanie Kostopoulos (28:46): You're really being very realistic with this dream vacation. Nice. Okay. You could have stayed for three years. Beth Demme (28:54): Well, then it's not a vacation. It's a relocation. Stephanie Kostopoulos (28:57): But if you know you're coming back. Beth Demme (28:58): Well, it's still not a vacation. Where would you go? Stephanie Kostopoulos (29:03): No, no. This was me asking you. If you want to ask me a question, it has to be a new question. Beth Demme (29:08): Well, do you have a go-to conversation starter? Stephanie Kostopoulos (29:11): My usually go-to conversation starter with somebody that I know in some capacity is to ask something I know about them. That's how I start a conversation. I don't have a go-to thing. The go-to is just to ask something personal, without too personal. What's your bra size? That's my go-to. Beth Demme (29:35): Yeah. My husband was really offended when you asked him that. Stephanie Kostopoulos (29:40): Because he didn't have a good answer. Beth Demme (29:44): It's interesting that you don't love small talk, but you asked me to be on a podcast with you that's all about having conversations. Stephanie Kostopoulos (29:55): Real conversations though. Beth Demme (29:56): Right. Stephanie Kostopoulos (29:57): That's the thing is I don't like fake, talking about nothing conversations. I like real honest conversations, which is why that's what I wanted the podcast to be about. Beth Demme (30:08): Well, I guess that maybe does make sense then. Beth Demme (30:16): We have so much fun making this podcast. We've heard from some of you that you're wondering what is the best way to support us, so we've decided to expand the podcast experience using BuyMeACoffee.com. You can go there and buy us a cup of coffee, or for Steph, a cup of tea, or you can actually become a monthly supporter. That will give you access to PDFs of the questions for reflection, as well as pictures, outtakes, polls, and more. Stephanie Kostopoulos (30:40): The kinds of things that we would put on social media if we had a social media channel, but we actually don't for the podcast, because we decided from the beginning that we didn't want to add to more white noise in your life. Stephanie Kostopoulos (30:51): One of the great things about Buy Me A Coffee is that you'll be able to actually get an email when we post new content. You can go straight there, and you don't have to deal with ads or being bombarded with other content. You see exactly the content you're looking for, without a bunch of distractions. Stephanie Kostopoulos (31:03): We plan to post probably once or twice a week. We're excited to get your feedback as members on our Buy Me A Coffee page, which we are lovingly calling our BMAC page. Beth Demme (31:12): BMAC. Stephanie Kostopoulos (31:14): BMAC. So you'll be able to find a link in our description to find out more and to sign up. Beth Demme (31:24): I have two weird news things today, and I'm trying to decide which one I want to share with you, but I think I'm going to go with the ... I'm just going to go with my gut and just go with the first one, even though it doesn't exactly relate to our topic. Stephanie Kostopoulos (31:38): Does the second one exactly relate? Beth Demme (31:39): No, neither of them do. But it's so odd. This news is so odd. I feel like you need to know about it. I want you to know about it. Stephanie Kostopoulos (31:47): Okay. Beth Demme (31:48): Imagine that you're doing a DIY project, and you want to build a new back deck. You're in your backyard and you're working. You're digging, and you find a bowling ball. That'd be pretty weird, right? Stephanie Kostopoulos (32:12): It could be a cannon. Beth Demme (32:14): It could be a cannonball? Right. But then you see that it says Brunswick or whatever, and it has the holes for the fingers. You know this is definitely a bowling ball. Stephanie Kostopoulos (32:21): Does it have skeleton fingers in the holes? Beth Demme (32:24): No. Stephanie Kostopoulos (32:24): Okay. Beth Demme (32:25): No. No fingers. No body parts. Stephanie Kostopoulos (32:28): Just the ball. Beth Demme (32:29): Just the bowling ball. Then you find another bowling ball, and another bowling ball, and another bowling ball. Beth Demme (32:36): This guy in Michigan was redoing the back steps of his house. He found 160 bowling balls. They had this spiral cut on them, so you could tell they had been discarded bowling balls. It turned out that ... He posted it to Facebook, and people were like, "Oh yeah. We used to have a bowling ball factory here in town, and people would bring the stuff home." But I just thought that was such a crazy number, 160 bowling balls. Stephanie Kostopoulos (33:03): Well, why were they buried? Beth Demme (33:06): I guess someone on Facebook who had worked at the factory said, "Yeah. We used to take them home and use them instead of gravel or sand when we were ..." Stephanie Kostopoulos (33:13): Oh, as a filler. Beth Demme (33:14): So I guess there's some structural thing under the stairs that needed to be supported. So it's sort of like a buried retaining wall. I don't know. 160 of them seems like a lot to me. Stephanie Kostopoulos (33:28): Can you imagine those in your car when you're driving home? They're all just flopping around. A watermelon's bad enough. Oh my gosh. Okay. Beth Demme (33:34): Yeah. Stephanie Kostopoulos (33:34): That's weird. Beth Demme (33:35): We'll post the link to it, but ... Stephanie Kostopoulos (33:37): Weird. Beth Demme (33:38): That's pretty weird news, right? Stephanie Kostopoulos (33:40): What was the other one? Now I want to know. Was it bowling ball related? Beth Demme (33:44): No. The other one was that someone was ... There was a diver off the coast of the Florida Keys. He was diving with a metal detector, because he was looking for a wedding ring. But instead of finding the wedding ring, he found a class ring that had been lost for 36 years. He used social media to track down the owner of the ring and return it to them. Stephanie Kostopoulos (34:04): Wow. Beth Demme (34:06): The person who had lost the ring, he said, yeah, he had only had it for a couple of weeks, and then he went swimming and then lost it, and then his dad was really mad. So he was like, "It's kind of neat to have it back," 36 years later. Stephanie Kostopoulos (34:18): Wow. Where was it? Beth Demme (34:20): Off of the Florida Keys it says. Stephanie Kostopoulos (34:21): Oh wow. [crosstalk 00:34:22] Beth Demme (34:22): Off Lido Key, mm-hmm (affirmative). Stephanie Kostopoulos (34:24): That's very specific. Beth Demme (34:26): Mm-hmm (affirmative). Stephanie Kostopoulos (34:26): So someone lived in the keys. Beth Demme (34:29): No. Stephanie Kostopoulos (34:29): Or maybe not yet. [crosstalk 00:34:30] Beth Demme (34:30): Yeah. Was just there on vacation. He said that the ring had the name of the school, the year of graduation and two initials. So using Internet detective work, he was able to narrow it down to three people, and then from there, figure out who it actually was, and got ahold of him and returned it to him. Stephanie Kostopoulos (34:49): That sounds like something my mom would do. Beth Demme (34:52): Track down the original owner? Stephanie Kostopoulos (34:54): Yeah. She would be very excited to track them down. I'd be like, "Yeah, okay. Great. Give it to Goodwill." Stephanie Kostopoulos (35:00): No. I would track down in the owner, and I would be so excited when I found them and then give them the ring back. Beth Demme (35:05): Well, you know what? It's a problem that needs solving, so you might be more into it than- Stephanie Kostopoulos (35:09): That's true. I probably would. I would be grumbling, because I'd be like, "Now, I got to deal with this." But I would probably find them. Beth Demme (35:16): Yeah. If you could. Stephanie Kostopoulos (35:17): My mom would be encouraging as well, which is why we work well together. She would encourage it. She's like, "Oh, we got to find them. We got to find them." And I'd be like, "That wasn't on my schedule today, but okay. We'll find them." Then she'd be so excited when we found them. Stephanie Kostopoulos (35:33): At the end of each episode, we end with questions for reflection. These are questions based on today's show that Beth read and leave a little pause between for you to answer them. Or you can find a PDF of them on our Buy Me A Coffee page. Beth Demme (35:44): Number one, do you have a go to way to start a conversation? Beth Demme (35:50): Number two, do you enjoy answering random questions in a conversation? Why or why not? Beth Demme (35:56): Number three, how would you answer the 10 Actors Studio questions? Beth Demme (36:02): Number four, would you rather ask questions or answer questions? Stephanie Kostopoulos (36:08): This has been the Discovering Our Scars podcast. Thank you for joining us.
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Meet StephMental Health Advocate. Author. Podcast Host. DIYer. Greyhound Mom. 
Meet BethI'm a mom who laughs a lot, mainly at myself. #UMC Pastor, recent Seminary grad, public speaker, blogger, and sometimes lawyer. Learning to #LiveLoved. 
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