Questions for Reflection
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Beth Demme (00:03):
Welcome to the Discovering Our Scars Podcast.
Stephanie Kostopoulos (00:05):
Where we share personal experiences so we can learn from each other.
Beth Demme (00:08):
Our mission is to talk about things you might relate to but that you don't hear being discussed in other places.
Stephanie Kostopoulos (00:13):
Our hope is that you're encouraged to have honest conversations with people in your own life. I'm Steph.
Beth Demme (00:17):
And I'm Beth. On today's show, we're going to have an honest conversation titled How Did You Survive Your Childhood with our special guest, Skaie Knox.
Stephanie Kostopoulos (00:27):
Skaie Knox (00:28):
Stephanie Kostopoulos (00:29):
So Skaie and I go way, way back to I think it's five years that we go back, five, four or five years, or 20 years, I'm not really sure. I'm not sure how far it goes back.
Beth Demme (00:41):
Well, wait, one of those years was the pandemic year, so it's like a long time.
Stephanie Kostopoulos (00:44):
So 20 years. Yeah. So Skaie and I know each other from DIY. I guess, again, I think it was five years ago, we were both in this DIY star competition thing that the Hallmark Channel's show called Home and Family, I think they had 20 people come onto the show, do a segment on the show, and then they had people vote, and then pick the winner of that. And you were on, I think the week before, were you the first one?
Skaie Knox (01:19):
I think I was the first week.
Stephanie Kostopoulos (01:22):
Yeah, because you were before us because I remember we saw you on the show, and then we were on. And so that's kind of how we came familiar with you. We never met but you were on that and so we followed all the people that were on that. And then a year or two later, which actually saw you at a DIY conference, me and my mom saw you there. And we were like, oh, my gosh, Skaie. And we knew who you were but we bonded. We were all like, oh, yeah, Home and Family, how cool. That's kind of how we know each other is through DIY.
Skaie Knox (01:52):
I mean, boy, that whole trip, it was in Atlanta, wasn't it, we are at Atlanta?
Stephanie Kostopoulos (01:59):
Skaie Knox (02:00):
And it was just because I think there was one or two other people that were on the show and it was just so neat. Yeah. From then, we were instant friends. Your mom is also great too. I love that you guys are daughter and mom and mom and daughter and not best friends kind of thing. That's how my relationship with my mom is and it's great. People are best friend with their moms but I just love that because I don't hear that that often, so that was really neat to see that relationship too.
Stephanie Kostopoulos (02:35):
So that's how we met. And DIY is still a passion of yours but you are really focused on something that you've always been passionate about as a singer-songwriter, correct?
Skaie Knox (02:45):
Yeah. I've started singing and even songwriting since I was in junior high school, and I had a developmental deal with Geffen Records, and then had some sequent independent records. I've toured and done a lot of stuff that I was really proud of in my early life. But we'll get into the interesting questions later. I found myself in 2001, moving up from San Diego, where I lived for 15 years. I moved up to LA and I just realized I really want to pursue this more commercially and film and television and also see what else I can do on my own because I was always writing with this one person. The moment I landed in LA, I was just in love with this town because the energy and the talent, and the people, and the possibilities, and the dreams, it's just so great.
Stephanie Kostopoulos (03:54):
So, yes. And I also want to clarify that we are over Zoom because you are in LA and we are in Florida. So yes, that is where we are.
Beth Demme (04:03):
I love what you said about LA, about how when you arrived, you just instantly fell in love with the energy and the promise of the creativity and the promise of everybody's dreams. Because I think that being on the opposite side of the country, I've always lived in Florida, I think that I have a jaded view of LA. Like, oh, it's a place where dreams go to die, right? But you have this really positive take on it, which I love. That makes so much sense to me. No wonder my friends are drawn to LA because it's a place where there's all kinds of dreams and all kinds of promise and all kinds of creative energy, so I really love that.
Stephanie Kostopoulos (04:40):
So, Skaie, we kind of know where you are today. And I definitely know you personally and just love your story and how you've got to where you are today but that's really what we want to focus on is this question, how did you survive your childhood? And this is an interesting question because this is something that someone recently asked you and I wanted to see if you could just kind of tell that story briefly how that came up and how you answered that.
Skaie Knox (05:12):
Yeah, well, in 2019, my mom who at the time was just knocking on 90, she was diagnosed with mild cognitive impairment, which is also called MCI. And that is not dementia. It's sort of right before dementia. And that which is also before Alzheimer's. Then during the pandemic, it progressed. So there's amnestic and nonamnestic. Amnestic comes from amnesia. And amnestic is mostly just memory, kind of having difficulty with memory. Nonamnestic starts getting into components like multitasking, and speed of processing information, auditory, really having the ability to hear words and be able to process what you're hearing, and then also memory as well. So she then in 2020, during the pandemic, became MCI with the nonamnestic component. And with that comes a lot of stress.
Skaie Knox (06:22):
And my twin brother moved down there in October of 2019, right before the pandemic, he ultimately stayed down there, which was a blessing in the fact that there was somebody there to drive my mom and get food, and so on, and so forth, which again, I'm very thankful for. But there's also the other component where we have had lots of difficulties. He's actually my twin, we struggle to communicate and get along. And that could be even another podcast is how trauma can really blow up or bring together siblings. In our case, it really blew it up. And so with that I called the Alzheimer's Association. As I'm talking and they're sort of asking me questions, they start helping me unravel my story. And really, it was incredibly cathartic to have sort of this stranger who does know what I'm going through in terms of the disease, really kind of be there for me, so that it wasn't a family member, it wasn't a friend that I was burdening. It was this person that was there specifically to help and just listen.
Skaie Knox (07:42):
And of course, as we're talking, I'm starting to really, I figure like, hey, I'm just going to tell her everything that's going on. And so at the end of the conversation, she's like, "Skaie, I need to ask you a question." And I'm like, "Yeah." And she's like, "How did you survive this?" How did you end up, meaning my mom? "No, no, no, how did you survive your childhood?" Because, of course, I went all the way there. And I just said, "You know what, nobody has ever asked me that question before." They tell me what happened and what happened to you. And, oh, I'm sorry that happened. But they never asked me how did I survive it? It took my breath away. And I'm like, whoa, wait a minute, I need to kind of think about this.
Skaie Knox (08:35):
But quite quickly, I just really thought it was really my mom. It was my coaches. It was my friends and the people that I was lucky to have, who really shored me up and protected me, and also saw me for who I thought I was. And that was really, again, this was only about a month ago. And so as I really kind of process that question, I really become more and more and more thankful for my friends, for my family who has been there for me, my husband, who is amazing. But the one thing that's the common denominator is that I had to be open to it. I had to really seek out these people. And luckily, I'm a social person. I'm an A-type and an entertainer, so I guess that's kind of in my nature to reach out. So I know it can be difficult for some people that aren't as social. But I'm just saying that it is absolutely key, it was for me at least, to know that if somebody knew what I was going through, they could see me, they could really see me.
Beth Demme (10:04):
So let's get into it. Tell us, what was your childhood like?
Skaie Knox (10:13):
What's the universe like?
Beth Demme (10:15):
Right. Where do we start? Where do we start?
Stephanie Kostopoulos (10:17):
Well, I'm curious. I know if someone asks me about my childhood, I know what instantly comes in my head. So I'm curious, when that question comes to you, where do you instantly go?
Skaie Knox (10:27):
The one word I would say is on yellow. I was always on yellow, I was always watching. From the furthest past I could go in my mind waking up and just being on alert. That was my childhood right there. I remember there was one time when I was really little, I think I was probably five, we'd go to the snow, whenever there was snow that we would go in the local mountains in Big Bear and we'd go sledding. And one time it was my brothers and I, we were just, and I think my mom was with us too, and we're sledding downhill, blah, blah, blah. And I went down once, and I really, it was after we were getting really confident, and I was so light at the time that the sled just took me all the way down and then ended up over this little gully that was really hard for me to get up and over. It took me a while. So by the time I got back to the top of the mountain, nobody was around. And I'm like, oh, my gosh, they left. In a little kid's mind, you think ...
Skaie Knox (11:38):
And so here's my dad that comes up in this red camper van that we had. And that was the first and only time I can remember in my memory that I was glad to see him, only because I thought I was going to be alone for the rest of my life. That quickly went away. But that's the only memory of when I was happy to see this person.
Beth Demme (12:03):
And the need to be alert came from your dad. Did he have a temper? Did he have an addiction issue? Fill us in. What was going on there?
Skaie Knox (12:12):
Yeah. So in general, and this is all the stuff that we found out later, so I was born in 1966, so this was way before Oprah. And it was way before we really started talking about mental illness. And so we had no clue. He wasn't an alcoholic. But we found out later that most likely, and I don't know if he ever got officially diagnosed, but when my mom went to really talk to a psychiatrist about his tendencies and just who he was and what he did, he was diagnosed a sociopathic. I'm sure he suffered from depression. He probably was bipolar. And yes, his temper. So he had parents, his dad, which I found out later, went to UCLA law school, so he was a really, really bright man, which I never met. And I never met his mom, either. His mom suffered from mental illness and she actually ended up in a mental hospital and died in a mental hospital. But she abused him. I don't know how badly physically. I know he did. But it was just belittling, just horrible, horrible verbal abuse.
Skaie Knox (13:38):
But yeah, so he would be incredibly ... He would yell. I don't know if there was a day when he didn't yell at us. And physically, he was physically abusive. Just the grip of his hand could bruise your arm. His instrument of abuse that he always used was a belt and belt buckle. So those are the kinds of things that ... The thing was is that it wasn't like if you're a bad kid, or if you're going off the rails, and this and that, there's no excuse, no matter what. But we had no rules. There were no rules as to when and why you would get abused. You pet a cat, for some reason, hey, what are you doing petting that cat, and boom. You could just look at him wrong. I mean, that's why I mean being on alert, you just had no rules. So it was constant blindsiding, which was really the most torturous part of it, was not knowing what you could do.
Skaie Knox (14:50):
So ultimately, my thing was whenever he did have work, which he didn't work much, couldn't hold a job, and he came home, my thing was always you heard the car or he had a motorcycle, you hear it, you'd look at the window to see, can you see what his face looks like? Does it look kind of relaxed or does it look intense? And if it had any kind of intensity, boom, in your room hiding so that you wouldn't get in his way. That was every day.
Stephanie Kostopoulos (15:25):
So I'm curious, you said that you were and are close to your mom. Was this something that your mom was aware of was happening? Was he doing it to her?
Skaie Knox (15:35):
My mom grew up, she was born in 1930. She lived in Minnesota, grew up in a dairy farm in Minnesota in the middle of nowhere, and had the most wonderful father. And they raised Guernseys, and just had this idyllic life. She had five sisters and one brother and ultimately moved out to California because one of her sisters did. And she got just sort of somehow my dad was incredibly charming, which is a common thing with sociopaths. And he charmed her and she wanted babies, she was getting into her 30s. And in that time, it was you are old to have kids. She didn't have me until she was 36, I think, 37 at the time. Again, now that's kind of more common. So she was just sort of blindsided. And I think that for a while he might have been able to hide a little bit, but his temper just ultimately, he started yelling at her.
Skaie Knox (16:37):
So as we got older, she would tell me, when before we were born, he was kind of fine. Who knows what that means. But then as soon as the kids were born, because my older brother is only a couple years older than I am, and then my twin, I've got a twin, so boom, you've got three kids. He just became apparently, really jealous. And I think that the ways that he would really start showing his abuse to her was just in general, always something about the kids. Here's the thing is that he couldn't hold a job, so my mom was incredibly ambitious at the time. She moved to LA after going to nursing school, and she was working in hospitals, and then she was hired by the community college. They said if you go get your master's, we would love to have you as the director of student health services. So she then got her master's. And again, in the '70s, for a woman to get a master's, it's like that was not super common, it was becoming more common, but she was ambitious, but mostly because I think she knew that she needed to be self-sufficient and because her husband wasn't doing anything.
Skaie Knox (18:05):
And so she was working all the time to keep us with a roof over our heads and food on the table, so she wasn't around for a lot of the abuse. But I also think ultimately, and this is where what was interesting through my counseling, after several months of when I started initially going to counseling in college, my counselor turned to me and said, okay, we've talked a lot about your dad. Now tell me about the anger you have about your mom. And I'm like, what are you talking about? My mom is an angel. She saved us, all these crazy things. And then, of course, we started talking, and I'm like oh, okay, the whole thing about why didn't she leave and this and that, and why didn't she protect you? And of course, we know now when you are ultimately abused, because she was, he was very, very threatening. And at the end there, we're talking about death, death threats. My mom is this gentle, sweet, kind woman. And it just breaks my heart to think how she was alone. She didn't talk. You didn't talk about those things back in that time. You didn't talk to your sisters or you didn't tell your best friend because ultimately, she did tell one of her friends, which helped her. It was a time where she felt absolutely stuck.
Skaie Knox (19:41):
And then of course, the stigma of divorce, God forbid, and that ultimately was something I had to process, was okay, mom, your personal social status was more important than my safety. Really? So I had to put assess that and forgive her because she just didn't have the tools and the courage and the chutzpah to go beyond what other people thought about her at the time. But she protected me and I hope my brothers. She did protect us in the right times.
Beth Demme (20:25):
You talked about being in college and going for counseling. But I'm guessing that you knew even before then that the abuse was wrong. So do you remember there being a point where you were consciously aware that the abuse was wrong?
Skaie Knox (20:42):
It's really interesting is that I never had a conscious time when I didn't know it wasn't wrong. I think about when I'm two years old or whenever, I don't even know how far back, but I never felt like this person was not abusing me.
Stephanie Kostopoulos (21:02):
Do you remember, when you first told somebody about it? Like a family member or like your mom or somebody that you trusted?
Skaie Knox (21:11):
I'm trying to think if I talked to my mom about, I mean, she saw it, so I didn't have to tell her. The only time I did tell her something was when I was in fifth grade maybe and you start developing, and he started trying to fondle me, touching me in places that like, okay, this is no, this is not happening. And at first, it started with tickling before bed, and then it got more involved. And I'm like, okay, no way, not after all this crap that I've gone through, so I told my mom.
Skaie Knox (21:56):
And she was like a wet chicken, man, she was pissed. And I saw it. And she said, "You will not touch my daughter." And that was the first time I saw her be really angry. And he never touched me again. And so that spoke to me so much. I mean, that was like, wow, thank God, thank God, that she, A, believed me, and B, did something about it.
Skaie Knox (22:26):
I think the first real adult, aside from kids that you tell stuff to and then they're kind of like into the drama, so they're not really kind of helpful, was my coach, my diving coach. And that was amazing. So he would keep me after practice. And of course, the optics of it today would be kind of sketchy. But no, he was like a big brother and just really kind of helped me not have to deal with going home always right away. If I didn't feel like I wanted to go home, he'd hang out and we jump on the tramp and work on techniques and stuff like that. But it's interesting how the only person in my memory, and this was when I was in eighth grade when my dad ultimately just completely lost it, and that's when he really ...
Skaie Knox (23:33):
The story is, real quickly, is that I had a diving meet, and it was an away meet and something came up and he didn't want me to go as a punishment because that he would use that as punishment all the time because I loved my sport and I had tons of friends. And so if I didn't do what he said, or something that comes up, and I don't know what the situation was, he would threaten all the time that I'm going to pull you out of diving.
Skaie Knox (24:01):
So this particular weekend, he said, "You're not going to this meet." And this meet was one of the best and most fun meets every year that we all look forward to. So my mom said, "No, you're going to go." And so she also brought my brothers which my brothers never come on meets. Never. But somehow some instinct told her, hey, let's just all go. So we go. We come back on the end of the weekend, and we enter the house and it is trashed, every piece of furniture, dishes, glasses, cabinets, dresser drawers, broken. And so we knew like, oh, crap, we got to get the hell out of here before he comes back. So of course, we're getting our stuff, I'm in my room, all of a sudden, I hear my dad, and I knew that we were potentially dead. So it was not a fun night. Ultimately, he was going to try to kidnap me. I was in the car. I could not even move. Everybody's gone after he ended up getting violent, but everybody got out except me. And then somehow, someway, he told me to get out of the car, and I got out of the car, and I ran.
Skaie Knox (25:26):
And the next thing I know, I'm at my neighbor's house, and they call the police. And somehow my mom had also gone over to another neighbor and called her secretary and her husband, Dwayne and Marian. And Dwayne comes in, I remember, for the first time in my life, and I'm an eighth grade, he comes over with the bat. And there could have been like in movies, where that light shines behind him, and it's like, lalalala, like my hero. And it was like, oh, my God, I just feel like that was the first time I thought, okay, I think I'm going to be okay. I think I'm going to survive this, like literally, physically survive this. And that was amazing.
Skaie Knox (26:18):
So besides my coach, I guess my mom and talked to her secretary and her husband, and it was more between her and them. But we ultimately then stayed with them for a couple weeks, so that we'd be safe. And it's funny, I'm telling you guys this right now, and I'm like, was this real? Did this actually happen? I mean, it's really kind of surreal.
Stephanie Kostopoulos (26:47):
So it was at the end of it? Was eighth grade, did you go back to living with him?
Skaie Knox (26:52):
So after that, I think he was finally out of the house. Enter the new saga of breaking into the house and restraining orders and things like that. So yeah, but it was a lot better that he wasn't there. But I was still on alert.
Stephanie Kostopoulos (27:13):
Did your parents get divorced? Were they ...
Skaie Knox (27:16):
Yeah, my mom knew at that point, and she had people that were her counselors at her work that were saying, "Lois, you will never change him. You will never change him." And that was the biggest thing that she had to learn because she wanted to try to fix the situation. She wanted to fix it. She thought she could be so much nicer, and this, and loving, and what normal people respond to.
Beth Demme (27:46):
Well, as a nurse, she was in a healing profession, right? So she has this instinct to heal people. But he was not open to that. Somebody who has a sociopathic tendencies, I don't think even has the ability to be self-aware to know that they need healing.
Skaie Knox (28:02):
Yeah, absolutely. And there was no counseling, ever. And I don't even know if he'd even go to counseling because when you're sociopathic, it's like, hey, there's nothing wrong with me, it's you people.
Stephanie Kostopoulos (28:14):
But I'm curious, like you said, you have worked on this, you have had counseling on this. When did that start? When did you ultimately realize I need to talk to somebody about this, this is not okay? Where did that all start?
Skaie Knox (28:28):
Well, again, my mom, thank God, talking to her. Okay, so, yeah, as a sophomore, I was dealing with this guy who was a musician, and an amazing musician, who I actually met when I was 16, in high school. And so of course, I moved down to hang with the band because everybody was down in San Diego, so I moved down there to be with the band. And he would bring up all kinds of things and treat me certain ways. And I kept telling my mom over and over, this is the problem I have, I have so many problems, I have so many problems. And of course, she's thinking, where's this coming from? And she said, hey it sounds like you need to get some counseling. And it didn't even dawn on me, counseling.
Skaie Knox (29:20):
And again, this is '85, '86, '87 around there. So again, it's still very foreign. And so luckily, I started, and that was the beginning of the healing, just simply going to the first session.
Stephanie Kostopoulos (29:40):
So did you regularly go to counseling from that time?
Skaie Knox (29:46):
I was going once a month. And I think consistently, I did that for about two years, maybe three, and then I would stop, and then I'd go back and I do some follow up. And, yeah, so that was really, it was a consistent once a month.
Stephanie Kostopoulos (30:06):
What's the biggest takeaway from counseling that you got?
Skaie Knox (30:11):
The time when my counselor said to me, as you guys can probably tell, my mom was this figure of protection and safety, and that I had this overwhelming fear that if anything happened to her, what would I do? In my mind, I was thinking I would die. I hadn't known this because there was this continual fear of something. And so the counselor said ... Well, I would say, "If my mom dies, who would hug me? Who would be there to hug me?" And she's like, "Hug yourself." And I'm like, what? And I'm like, what? Again, that was really a pivotal time in my healing, was that, oh, so I can actually give myself self-comfort, self-love. I mean, and self-care.
Skaie Knox (31:07):
It's like, oh. And not only that from being a kid, because I think we get stuck a lot of times in abuse and in trauma, that when you're abused in that time, you sort of stay in that mentality of being a kid because it's just so traumatic. And that was the first step into adulthood for me, and accountability, and power, and self-control. And it was the greatest gift obviously, for me, and that just simple thing was so healing for me. So, yeah, that was amazing.
Stephanie Kostopoulos (31:44):
Something you had mentioned while you're talking earlier was, well, not today, earlier, was that you had to learn when approaching somebody to not approach them with fists up, but with chest up. Could you explain that a little bit?
Skaie Knox (31:59):
Oh, yeah. I mean, I was a scrappy kid. I was a tomboy. The boys dug it because I would play every kind of sport with them and keep up with them. And there was this certain toughness that I had, this identity that nobody is going to F with me. And when you're in elementary school, and my dad would switch us to different schools every year. I mean, by the time I was in junior high school, I think I'd gone to eight different schools. Anybody that came close, it's like, okay, I'm going to let you in, but just know if you cross me, I'm going to F you up. That's fine and that's a good way to survive. But as you get older, and people start becoming adults and you really have to start trusting, that doesn't work as much. And it actually does attract people that want to fight you and want to.
Skaie Knox (33:04):
So the chest up came from the confidence because that's really, fists up is a false confidence. It's complete fear. And when I was able to start having chest up, that's when I knew. Look at Superman, he doesn't put his fists up, he puts his chest up. So that's what I'm trying to do more and more. Sometimes I feel my fist coming up, and I'm like, okay, calm down. Bring it down. It's going to be okay. And yeah, breathe too. It helps me remind ... When they say to breathe and have good posture, it's a good thing to have chest up.
Stephanie Kostopoulos (33:43):
Something I know about you is you have a pretty perfect amazing husband. How long have you been married?
Skaie Knox (33:49):
July 9, it's going to be our 16th anniversary.
Stephanie Kostopoulos (33:53):
Oh, my gosh, that was episode comes out, isn't it?
Beth Demme (33:55):
It is. Yeah.
Stephanie Kostopoulos (33:56):
That's so cool. Well, my question is, so with all of the junk of your childhood, all of the stuff that you've been through, how did you find this amazing husband?
Skaie Knox (34:09):
It's sent down from heaven. How does any of us find somebody that is obviously not perfect, but perfect for me? It's a lot of work that I did. There's no way I would have attracted this guy to me if I hadn't done my work and I hadn't been committed to really having the courage to find the truth about myself and to face the truth about myself. He needed a lot of healing, too. He had a lot of trauma in his life. And I do believe, and there's books written about this, where we attract the person that will help us heal each other. And for sure, it's not been super easy. It's so good now.
Skaie Knox (35:03):
And we've gone through a lot together. And he's gone through his own healing for sure, which he had a lot to go through. And I've gone through more healing because of it. But yeah, I mean, and plus he's a musician too. We just had a lot of common things. He was a ice semi-pro hockey player, and so he was in sports as well, a musician, A-type personality, funny. But I think again, that the greatest quality is his kindness for sure.
Stephanie Kostopoulos (35:38):
So speaking of your husband, Matt, is his name, is it? Matt. Okay. So speaking of your husband, Matt, and speaking of you guys both as a musician, you have written a new song actually, about your childhood. Is that correct?
Skaie Knox (35:54):
Yeah, just as a quick snippet, I mean, I started writing about my mom like, I got to write a song about my mom. And it just started off just this image in my head of her being in the cornfields and the cornrows in Minnesota. And for whatever reason, I started just thinking about her one quality, which is that she's just kind. And I think about, well, where did she get that. And of course, then it was her father, who was my grandfather, who I never really met, I was two. So I can't wait to meet him again. But yeah, so he had the kindness that he gave to her, thank God. And then I'm like, how did she end up with my dad, but that happens. But then I realized that, of course, as I'm writing the song, I'm like wait a minute, here's a full-circle moment here because how did I end up with this kind man after all the stuff that I've seen? And it's thank God it was because of my mom and that she taught me how to recognize what that was. And she was an example of kindness. Kindness is in and of itself, the greatest, for me, quality of a human being.
Stephanie Kostopoulos (37:15):
Well, would you be willing to sing us this song? And I think you have maybe a little guest that might be able to help out as well.
Skaie Knox (37:24):
Oh, absolutely. Yeah. I would love to.
Stephanie Kostopoulos (37:27):
And it's called Come Around.
Skaie Knox (37:29):
Yep. Come Around.
Skaie Knox (38:03):
Beth Demme (41:21):
Love it. I'm actually a little bit choked up by it. That's really a powerful tribute to the force that your grandfather continues to be through the love that he showed your mom. I mean, that's really powerful, Skaie.
Skaie Knox (41:41):
I hadn't thought of it that way. I had, but the way that you said it and my grandfather because I always said my mom's dad. And he is my grandfather, even though I never met him, but he is still loving me and being kind to me through the fact that he has been an example for me, too. So that's wow, didn't even know.
Beth Demme (42:07):
That's what your story tells us. That's how powerful love is that it has transcended a childhood that was filled with abuse and mistreatment and pain. But because your grandfather loved, that's how powerful love is. That's incredible.
Skaie Knox (42:23):
You can pull and that's why I keep saying that people in your life, people, people, people because if you can look to an example and just be inspired by them and to aspire to be like them, then you can end up sitting in a chair writing songs like this and married to a man who is amazing and writing a song about him. So I'm really, really fortunate and grateful.
Beth Demme (42:55):
Wow, Skaie, thank you so much for letting us share that song with you. That was really powerful. Thank you for giving us your time today, for being here with us. We always like to ask our guests this one question which is, what book, TV show, or podcast are you excited about right now?
Skaie Knox (43:14):
Well, I'm excited about this podcast.
Beth Demme (43:18):
Skaie Knox (43:18):
No, truly. Truly though, I think you guys are great. And yeah, I just love the fact that I think it's your energy that makes people really comfortable, and the discovery that even I've had just in this conversation has been great. So yeah, I love Surviving Your Scars and it's a benefit to the podcast world.
Beth Demme (43:43):
Well, we appreciate that. But other than our podcast, what TV show, book, or podcast are you into right now?
Skaie Knox (43:48):
Well, I'll have to say that my heart is broken because I binged all the way through Schitt's Creek, which was oh, my God.
Beth Demme (43:59):
Stephanie made me do that too and I felt heartbroken at the end too. I was like, I need another season.
Skaie Knox (44:04):
You know what though, it's perfect. It is perfect. It was perfect. And in fact, Alexis, the character, the Alexis character she is now in another show that we started watching. But are you watching it now?
Stephanie Kostopoulos (44:20):
We literally were talking about this.
Beth Demme (44:22):
Steph just told me about it today.
Stephanie Kostopoulos (44:23):
Right before the episode. Sorry. Go ahead. Go ahead, talk about it.
Beth Demme (44:26):
It's the one about Kevin.
Skaie Knox (44:27):
Yes, like FU Kevin. Yeah. And yeah, I guess that's the name of the show. But yeah, it's a little bizarre.
Stephanie Kostopoulos (44:36):
Have you watched it?
Skaie Knox (44:37):
We did. We saw episode one, half of it, halfway through. We may not be in a headspace right now for that because we just came of off Schitt's, so we're total Schittheads right now.
Beth Demme (44:47):
Well, I have to say it took me at least three attempts to actually get into Schitt's Creek. And I only persevered because Stephanie was like, no, no, it will be worth it. And it was totally worth it. So when she tells me to try a show, I have a lot of like, I have some gumption about it. I'm like, "Yes, I trust her. This is going to be good." And she's pretty excited about the Kevin show.
Stephanie Kostopoulos (45:08):
So Kevin Can F Himself is what we cannot say on the podcast. But Annie Murphy, I believe is her name, that's her new show. And she is great in it. So I watched the first three episodes and I got to say, it's great. It is definitely, you have to be in the right headspace. It's not a happy show. It is not Schitt's Creek. No, no, no. But she's so good in it. She does an accent. She does a Jersey accent pretty well. I was pretty impressed with that. So I really think it's great because how many times have we seen those sitcoms where you have an overweight white man with a hot wife, and she's always the butt of the joke, and she's always the mom? And so that's what the show is about. It's about like that sitcom that we've all seen and then what the wife is really thinking, and what the wife is really going through, and I love it.
Skaie Knox (46:03):
Yeah, it's sort of a slight nod to Ally McBeal, I think, which I didn't really watch that entire show. I should go back and actually watch it. Because it's the whole like what's actually going on in somebody's mind. Hey, I'm going to if it's okay, my husband and brother-in-law and their company, Wonderful has actually developed an app called Bingie, and it's all about this. It's all about talking about the different shows, and it's just all ... If you want to get on there and start talking about shows, it is so much fun.
Skaie Knox (46:39):
And in fact, they're soon coming soon, and I think maybe this coming week, I think they're going to start having collections. So it's kind of the Pinterest of movies where if you want like weekend moving movies, you can put all your movies and save it in that collection, if you want to do Christmas movies, or whatever, feel-good movies, you can create your own collections. But it's really, really amazing where you can get on there and just have the most fascinating conversations with people that you don't even know. And people are super into it and they have total details about shows that you never would have known about. And I've discovered so many new shows that I would never have learned about had I not scrolled down it. And so if you want to check that out, it's called Benji on just Apple Store.
Beth Demme (47:33):
Yeah, we'll definitely check that out. And we'll put a link to it in the show notes too.
Stephanie Kostopoulos (47:37):
Is it that?
Skaie Knox (47:38):
Stephanie Kostopoulos (47:38):
Okay, I'm downloading it.
Skaie Knox (47:41):
Good. And you can follow me too. You can follow me and I'll follow you. And so whatever collections I have, you can check, hey, what is Skaie into like documentaries or whatever, Earth documentaries, or Schitt's Creek, whatever that genre is, and then I can also follow you and see what you're doing. And so yeah, it's a lot of fun.
Beth Demme (48:02):
Stephanie Kostopoulos (48:03):
And also, where can people find you? Where can people find your music, more information about you?
Skaie Knox (48:07):
Awesome. Yeah. Simple skaieknox.com, and that's S-K, A as in apple, I-E, and then K-N-O-X.com.
Stephanie Kostopoulos (48:17):
Perfect. Will do. Well, we put a link to all of that in the show notes. So again, thank you, Skaie for being here. I can't wait to see you again in person.
Skaie Knox (48:26):
And thank you guys for having me. Yes, thank you so much.
Stephanie Kostopoulos (48:32):
At the end of each episode, we end with questions for reflection. These are questions based on today's show that Beth will read and leave a little pause between and you can find a PDF on our Buy Me a Coffee page.
Beth Demme (48:42):
Number one, what was your childhood like? Number two, everyone has a journey and every journey involves healing. Where are you with that now? Number three, are there any areas of your past or present that you've been unwilling or unable to explore? Why? Number four, list of the positive people you have in your life. And number five, do you live life with your fists up or your chest up? Why?
Stephanie Kostopoulos (49:14):
This has been the Discovering Our Scars Podcast. Thank you for joining us.
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Mental Health Advocate. Author. Podcast Host. DIYer. Greyhound Mom.
I'm a mom who laughs a lot, mainly at myself. #UMC Pastor, recent Seminary grad, public speaker, blogger, and sometimes lawyer. Learning to #LiveLoved.