Show Notes
Questions for Reflection
Each episode we offer you a few prompts to think about how that day's conversation applies to you. You might pause the podcast and answer them right then and there, but if you keep a journal (Steph and Beth both do), you might find one of these PDFs useful. Choose the orientation that fits best in your journal.
Transcript
Steph (00:03):
Welcome to the Discovering Our Scars Podcast. Beth (00:06): Where we have honest conversations about things that make us different. I'm Beth. Steph (00:10): And, I'm Steph. Beth (00:11): Today is April 8th, 2020, around 9:20 in the morning. Steph (00:16): We don't normally timestamp our episodes, but we think it's important to do that today. Beth (00:20): Yeah. Because, things are changing almost minute by minute with the Coronavirus COVID-19 outbreak, and we're trying to come to you each week with the latest in what life is like, because we want to have an honest conversation about the parts of this that are great, and the parts about it that are not so great. Right, Steph? Steph (00:40): Yeah. I think I would start with not great before great, but I like your optimism there, Beth. Beth (00:47): Yeah. Steph (00:47): Yeah, exactly. I do want to mention that on our last episode, at the very end we said, "If it ever becomes unsafe for us to be together to record the podcast, we'll figure out how to do it remotely." And literally when I said that, no idea, I didn't think at all that we would be under a stay at home order or anything like that, because we hadn't been. Steph (01:12): We're here in Florida, and we had been under a stay at home within our county, but it didn't have any kind of reason for us to not be together and recording the podcast. But literally last week, about noon, right when we finished recording the podcast, is when our governor finally made that decision for stay at home issue for Florida. Steph (01:32): And after reading what it all entailed, that's when Beth and I kind of texted each other, and decided we needed to come up with a remote option for the podcast. Beth (01:40): Yes. So Florida is under what he calls a "Safer At Home" order. Steph (01:46): Oh, okay. Sorry, safer at home. Beth (01:48): And so we wanted to be not just safer, we wanted to be the safest. Steph (01:53): Yes. Beth (01:54): And so we are now recording this remotely, and hopefully it sounds okay. We've done some audio testing. It's important to us that this has a good audio quality. So hopefully we're able to still deliver that. Steph (02:05): Yes, we are trying our best. We did some practices last week when we found out about the order, and we were like, "We're going to still do the podcast." Now, it gives us more fire, "We're still doing it. We're going to make it happen." Beth (02:17): Yeah. So we're not letting COVID-19 stop us. Steph (02:21): No. So I am at my house, and Beth is in her guest room. Is that where you are? Beth (02:27): Yeah, it's the most soundproof room and it's sort of away from everything. So that's exactly right. I'm sitting in my guest room and I may or may not be in my pajamas. Steph (02:36): I'm wearing clothes that are not pajamas, so a step up from you, I guess. Beth (02:41): Maybe I am, too. Steph (02:43): Oh, I think you should take a picture. Well actually you can't take a picture, because we're using your phone to do this. So I don't want to mess up the connection. Darn. We'll never know what Beth looks like. Beth (02:53): We'll never know. It's a mystery. Steph (02:55): Well, I have to say I put on pants every day, because my dog Mac gets so excited when I put on pants, in any form. It's crazy. I don't know why. She used to get only excited when I put on my hiking pants. Now any pants, she just gets so excited. So I highly encourage you to get a dog, so you have someone that really cheers you on for putting on pants, because, and it forces me to do it every day. Steph (03:19): Night clothes, she doesn't get excited, but yeah, pajamas, she's like, "Oh, whatever." But pants, she's all over it. Or shorts. She doesn't discriminate. Beth (03:29): Oh, okay. Anything on the legs that's not pajamas? Steph (03:31): Exactly, exactly. Beth (03:32): Interesting, interesting. She's so smart. So we recorded an episode about what it was like when we tried to travel, at the initial outbreak of this in the U.S., and we recorded an episode that we called, One Week in. And then we did an episode that we called, Two Weeks in. And so today, we're three weeks in. It's been 22 days- Steph (03:58): That was so much buildup. I love that Beth. And it was a pause between each one week in. Beth (04:03): Yeah, Oh and I'm not done. Steph (04:05): Two weeks- Beth (04:05): So it's been 22 days, which is a little bit more than three weeks, because three weeks is 21 days. It's been 21 days since I have gone out of my house, just for giggles, 21 days since I went to a restaurant or something like that. Beth (04:19): I've only left my house just for essential things for work, or if I needed to go to the grocery store. So Steph, three weeks in- Steph (04:29): Yeah. Beth (04:29): Is it okay to not be okay? Steph (04:33): I sure hope it is. Beth (04:35): Yeah. Is it okay if I'm not okay? Steph (04:36): I sure hope it is, because I'm not okay. I will tell you at the beginning of all this, I was like, "We'll get through this. We'll do it." For me, it wasn't a crazy adjustment in my life, in the sense that I already worked from home. And I already had plenty of stuff to do, so I was able to busy myself with those projects, do a lot of outdoor stuff, really clear my head, and really exercise daily, and we were eating healthy. Steph (05:02): It's not so much three weeks in. I still am trying to stay busy, but there's long stretches where I'm just sitting on my porch. Me and my mom are just kind of sitting on my porch, just sitting there doing nothing, which is very opposite of me. I'm like very, "I have my list and let's get it done." Steph (05:20): And, my list is still there sitting next to us, but we just kind of ... like yesterday we needed to film three different intros for videos. And my mom came over at 10:00, and we started filming about 1:00, because we just sat. Steph (05:35): And then for about 20 minutes, we were like, "Oh, we need to eat. What should we eat?" And then we're both like, "I don't know." And then we finally decided we were going to go to my mom's house and eat leftovers. Steph (05:48): But then there's a whole conversation about, "Do we bring them back to my house to eat? Why don't we just stay at my mom's house so we don't have to travel with them?" So that, was another 20 minutes. Steph (05:56): So do you want to know how that saga continued? We went to her house, ate them there, then went back to my house and we filmed. So- Beth (06:04): But, I want to know what you ate. I want to know what the leftovers were. Steph (06:07): Oh, well, actually it was healthy. It was meat and potatoes, actually meat and potatoes. My mom found this really good recipe for chicken, like a marinade on chicken. It was so good. Steph (06:19): So it was just chicken and potatoes, because she had potatoes that were starting to go bad. So she cut off those bad parts and whipped them up, and they were really good. So- Beth (06:28): I might have to text her for that recipe, because I have frozen chicken, frozen chicken breasts, and I have potatoes that need to be used. Steph (06:36): Yes, that's where- Beth (06:37): So maybe I should text her- Steph (06:38): Yeah, for sure. Beth (06:38): ... because that might be what my family needs to eat tonight. Steph (06:41): Yes. That's where she was at. She was like, "These things need to be eaten, what do I do?" And it was really good. So my mom's the one that does the most cooking. I can cook if I have all the ingredients listed out, put in front of me, I can sort of follow the recipe. Steph (06:57): But she's really good at like, "I have random things, what can I make?" And then she makes them, and it's awesome. Beth (07:03): You have to have a plan when you're cooking, which is sort of like other things in your life, too. Steph (07:08): I would say it's important to have plans for things in life, which is probably why this time is a little ridiculous, I think, for all of us, because we didn't plan on this. Steph (07:19): This was never something we learned about in school that, "Oh, you should be ready and prepped and know what you're going to do, if you're in your house for three months and with nothing to do." Beth (07:29): Three months?! Don't say that! Steph (07:31): I mean, sorry, spoiler alert. Beth (07:34): Three months? We're three weeks in. Steph (07:36): Spoiler alert, it's going to be longer. But that's okay, it doesn't matter how long it's going to be. We take it one day at a time. That's what I'm doing, because I don't want to imagine how long it's going to be, because we don't know. Beth (07:47): It's true. It's true. We should take it one day at a time. I mean, we did have something come out in our local paper, we can put this in the show notes, but our local hospital has been running models. They consider themselves a regional hospital, because they serve eight counties. And, they're saying that, "If we do everything right and we manage to flatten the curve, then we won't see the peak here in our community until ...", what did I say Steph, June?" Steph (08:12): June. Beth (08:14): Yeah. Steph (08:16): It is April. Beth (08:18): Yeah. And it's April now. It's only the middle of April, so it is hard to think about how long is this going to go on. So I think you're right. It's better just to think, "Okay, one day at a time. I can do this today, and maybe today I'm not okay. And that's okay. It's okay to not be okay." Beth (08:35): And in the beginning, it seemed like everybody had these grand plans. "I'm going to do my home improvement stuff. My garden's going to look amazing. I'm going to exercise every day. I'm going to write a novel." I don't know that anybody actually said that, but that was the attitude. Steph (08:49): Oh, I heard people say that, yeah. Beth (08:51): You heard people say that? Steph (08:51): Yeah. Beth (08:52): Yeah. So it's like at the beginning of this, everybody thought, "Oh, I'll be working at home. I've never worked at home. I'm going to have so much free time." And those of us who have experience working at home were like, "Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Working at home doesn't mean you have less work." Steph (09:04): And then your kids are there, and it's like, "Oh." Beth (09:06): And then on top of that you're going to work at home now with your whole family also being there. And it is an unusual situation. I don't lose sight of the fact that working at home is a privilege. Beth (09:21): We've actually had to have some repair people in the house. We had an air conditioner that went out, and our oven basically caught on fire and burned part of it up. And so we had to have somebody come out and work on that, and they can't work at home. I mean, their job literally is going into other people's houses. So I don't want to take for granted-- Steph (09:40): Well, and, I mean, the health care workers, the people that are on the front lines that are keeping us safe, there is so many other concerns out there, that it's so hard for me, because my concerns are so minimal when you compare them to somebody that is struggling to put food on the table, and is going to work every single day to keep us safe, and doesn't know if they have the virus. It's hard because then I feel like, "Well I shouldn't complain. All I have to do is stay at home." Steph (10:11): But then also my feelings are valid, though. They are my feelings. They are my reality. So it's kind of a tough situation. And I'm like, this weekend I literally did nothing and I kind of was like, "I'm going to take a break and just kind of relax." Steph (10:32): I realized though, is it was really tough to just not do anything, and not have anything to do, and I just wasn't motivated to do anything. It was just kind of like, it was kind of a bummer weekend. And I was just like, "I don't feel any motivation." And because normally on the weekends, I do try to take a break, and just kind of have a lazy day. But all my days are kind of lazy now. So it's like I needed something to do, but I didn't feel like doing anything. Beth (11:04): Yeah. That's true. Steph (11:04): So I've gotten a little bit better this week. I've had like, "We got to get our video out," and that's been helpful. It's like, "I want to get our video out," and we don't have to. There's no one that's going to say, like come down on us and be like, "There was no video, what's going on?" Steph (11:18): But I think it's important for me and my mom to have that goal and keep up with it. And same thing with the podcast, I feel like this is a good thing to have the opportunity to talk about this, to have the opportunity to share, and have that kind of every week, this is what we're doing on the schedule. Beth (11:39): Yeah. I do think the schedule helps, and you and I are both used to self-imposed deadlines, right? I mean- Steph (11:48): Yeah. Beth (11:48): ... that's part of creating content that is going to be online. It's like, you basically have to motivate yourself to do it. Steph (11:55): It's a lot harder to motivate myself right now, when I can't leave the house, when I mean, sadly we're not going anywhere. Like, especially this week, they say is the hardest week, or that's going to be the toughest week, which they haven't really explained what that means. Steph (12:11): But it just seems like, "Oh, I should not be going out this week at all, even to the grocery store." So we've tried not to, but I think on like Monday or Sunday I was like, me and my mom were just sitting and I was like, "Let's drive by Home Depot." And my mom's like, "Just drive by?" And I was like, "Yes, let's drive there. Let's just look. We're not going to get out, because that would just be crazy. But we're just going to drive by." Beth (12:35): We just want to go visit. Steph (12:36): So we did. We drove by Home Depot, and we just looked, and there was a lot of people there. I was like, "Wow." But we noticed that they had a curbside pickup for your online pickup orders, which we thought was really cool. Steph (12:50): And then we also noticed that they sell sod. We had no idea they sold sod there. And the only reason I was interested is because my neighbors are re-sodding their backyard. And so I sent them a picture saying, "Hey, if you need just a couple, you can buy it by the piece or the pallet or the truckload." So I was like, "Oh, I can share information without having to get out of my car and be exposed." Beth (13:10): So you just wanted to go and see one of your favorite places? Steph (13:13): Yes. Beth (13:13): Like from the outside? Steph (13:14): Yes, and it felt ... I was glad that, and I'm like, "We're going to need to do that again, just drive by." Beth (13:20): Right. So when you say, "You're not okay," we believe you. Steph (13:24): Yeah. But that helped me, even though, I don't know, it still brought some comfort to drive past it. I mean, I never just get in the car and just drive to somewhere. I just don't do that. I go for a reason. But I was like, "Why can't we?" It's completely safe. It's not like we're busying up the roads or anything, where it's safe to just drive by. We're in our car, and so we just slowly drive by and just say, "Hey, Home Depot." Beth (13:54): Yeah. It is safe. In fact, one of the things that I saw on Facebook this past weekend was this idea of a big bear hunt, where they wanted people to put teddy bears in their windows, so that families could ride around in their car and safely do an activity, where they were getting out of the house, and everybody was sort of contained. Beth (14:12): I thought that was a great idea. I think probably around the Easter, people will do the same thing with Easter eggs. So I don't think that it's bad to be out and in your car, as long as you don't roll down your window, and high five your neighbors, as you're driving by or something, then I think that it's probably okay. Beth (14:29): I had a really sad thing happen last week actually, and it helped me understand some of what I'm feeling. So a friend of mine from high school passed away, not from COVID-19. At Christmas, she contracted Guillain-Barre, or came down with Guillain-Barre. I'm not sure of the right way to phrase that. So she had been struggling with it for a long time and she was actually, how old am I? I'm 44, so she would be my age 44. She might be 45, and they had to move her from a hospital to a nursing home because she needed such a high level of care, because Guillain-Barre creates paralysis. Steph (15:09): Oh my gosh. Beth (15:11): And anyway, my point is she was getting better, and then all of a sudden she wasn't better, and she was gone. Steph (15:17): Oh my gosh. Beth (15:18): And so I was really, really, really blue about that. Just missing her, and she's one of those people who I didn't have to talk to regularly to feel connected to her. Beth (15:31): And we communicated a lot on Facebook, and anyway, so just missing her, and being so incredibly sad for her husband and her kids, because you can't have a funeral right now. You can't have a celebration of life. You can't have a memorial. And particularly, I mean, they live in New Orleans, you really can't do it. Steph (15:47): Oh my gosh. Beth (15:49): Things are really escalating there. So what I realized anyway is that a lot of my feelings in general in this time are feelings of grief, because grief comes about when there's been a big change that is negative, and not being able to be with people, and having routine completely disrupted. And my kids not being able to go to school, that has created grief inside of me. Beth (16:20): And so then when I get online and everything is super upbeat and positive and happy, I feel like, "Oh, I'm the only one who's not okay. I'm the only one who's grieving." But that can't be true. It can't just be you, and it can't just be you and me. Steph (16:37): Yeah, exactly. Well I watch a lot of YouTube and like news clips and stuff, but there's also some like YouTubers that I follow. And they still are making like peppy videos, but a lot of them are interspersing moments where they're like, "I'm not okay. And I don't want you to think that because we share an hour out of our day that we're like cheery and happy." And they're like, "This is a really hard time." Steph (17:05): So I do appreciate that some of the people that I follow that seemingly have it all together, are actually sharing those struggles and those fears and that they're not okay. Beth (17:17): Right. Steph (17:18): And so anytime I see people share those kinds of things, that's really helpful, because it's like, "Okay, I'm not alone." And, I've really been like, I've not been looking at social media much at all, because like you said, especially on Facebook and different places, I'm seeing people, the cheery side of things, which is good. I want to see that, but then it's tough. So I kind of take it in chunks when I can. Beth (17:46): Yeah. I'm trying to remind myself that whatever people are feeling is okay. Steph (17:50): Yeah. Beth (17:51): Right. If there are things about this that they think are really great, honestly, my husband said to me a couple of days ago, he was like, "This is fantastic. I love this." Steph (18:02): Well, in what way? Beth (18:02): He's a total introvert and having, just being able to be with our family all the time, and he's got projects around the house he likes to work on. And he's not real busy with work, and so it's like, "This is pretty great." So I want to create space for him to have those positive feelings. I don't want to be like, "No, you can only feel the way that I feel, and I don't feel okay." Beth (18:29): But at the same time, I don't want people who feel okay to tell me that I have to feel that way either. And then the sort of, the third element to that is which you mentioned this already, but I was thinking about my friend's husband and her kids. And I was thinking, "Well, I don't even really even have a right to be blue, because, think about what they're going through." Right? But no, this isn't a competition, and there isn't a limited amount of sadness to go around or a limited amount of joy. And so whatever I am feeling is okay. Steph (19:01): Well, and I think grief is very expected right now, because we're grieving for the life that we used to know. We'll never have that life again. It's kind of like, 9/11, like airports never went back to how they were. There's certain things, in life that changed forever because of that moment. Steph (19:22): And there are things that are going to change forever because of this moment. I mean, I think something as simple as handshaking, I don't think that's going to be the norm anymore. Beth (19:29): Right. Steph (19:29): I just don't. I never was a big fan of it anyways, because it's always been the fact that your hands have so much germs on them, and then you're just passing them to someone, like, "Hello, have my germs." Beth (19:38): I never thought about it. I never thought about the germs when I was shaking somebody's hand. It didn't bother me a bit. Steph (19:45): Well, I mean, I wasn't like, it is such a social norm, and everyone does it, that I would think about it, not every time, but I would think about it, but I would also do it, because it was like, whatever. And I'm pretty, like, I do think germs are good. We need germs. It helps us keep a good immune system. If we never have germs, then that's not okay. Beth (20:05): Right. Steph (20:05): But this time period has really taught me that like, "Oh wait, No, germs can be really bad. This one is really bad." Beth (20:13): Right. This one's really bad. Steph (20:14): And I've never really cleaned my phone and been overly concerned about that, because it is what it is. Beth (20:22): Same. Steph (20:22): But a couple years ago there was this product called, PhoneSoap, on Shark Tank. And I remember, and it's basically this machine that sanitizes your phone. And I remember seeing it and thinking, "Wow, those are for people that are really overly concerned." And I recently went to their website to see if they had the product, and it's completely sold out because everyone wants it. Beth (20:42): Oh, wow. Steph (20:44): And they have this new product called, HomeSoap, where you can put larger items into it, like a remote or an iPad or a tablet. And I was like, and I did the research and it legit works. It kills the germs. They don't have the data on whether it kills the coronavirus, because they don't have coronavirus to test. But based on what they've researched, it should kill it, just like everything else. Beth (21:07): Does it work with light or something? Steph (21:10): Yeah, something with light. It's on their website- Beth (21:12): Interesting. Steph (21:13): So I talked to my mom about it. She's like, "Yeah, let's get the HomeSoap." And you have to pre order it. They don't come out until like June or something. But so after I talked to her, I went back to order it, and it was completely sold out. I was like, "What?" Beth (21:25): Wow. Steph (21:26): So I ordered just the one for the phone, and that will be here in June, as well. But I was like, now, I'm that person that's like, "Okay, well, I might want to do it," because I don't like cleaning my phone with alcohol because it leaves like a little weirdness on the screen that I have to get off. Beth (21:42): Right. Steph (21:42): And so I was like, I prefer to do it with the light so you don't have to do anything and it just, you have that kind of peace of mind. So I pre-ordered it, and no one else go to the website, so they're not sold out. I'm not advertising it at all. I just realized that I'm saying this. Beth (21:58): Well, you've got your order in. Steph (22:00): I have my order in. Nevermind, you can order it, yeah, if it's not sold out. It probably is. I haven't checked it. Beth (22:03): Crazy. And I also never really thought about my phone. In fact, something that I actually put out on Twitter pretty early on was, "You guys, I've never sanitized my phone. I've never thought about it. How do I do this?" Because I was afraid that if I use a bleach or an alcohol wipe on the screen that I would damage it. But then I went and looked, and I have an iPhone, and Apple said that, "It's okay to do that." Steph (22:23): Well I will tell, you I used to work for Apple for five years, and they would clean the screens of the phones on the floor, and all the devices, they'd clean them with alcohol pads every night. I never really thought too much about it. I always was kind of annoyed because it would leave a little bit of weirdness on the screen, that you kind of have to like buff off. Beth (22:40): Yeah, like a residue. Steph (22:40): Yeah. I don't know how to describe it, but yeah. And, but then I have a friend that still works for Apple, and I was asking him and he said, "Yeah, Apple's never endorsed cleaning personal devices, but they are now." I think it's a 70% alcohol solution that they recommend. Steph (22:54): And there's been people that have done YouTube videos about it, doing it multiple times, and it hasn't damaged the screen or anything. So yeah, Apple's like- Beth (23:02): Yeah. So far my screen has been okay. I mean, I've been doing it and [crosstalk 00:23:04] been fine. Steph (23:04): Yeah, I have been too. Yeah, but I have a PhoneSoap coming. Oh, and also PhoneSoap is, yeah, I should clarify. It's not soap. It's light. It's light. Beth (23:14): Right. It's a light. It's a device. Steph (23:16): Yeah, because, yeah, I asked my friend that works for Apple about, I was like, "Have you ordered PhoneSoap?" He's like, "I wouldn't use that." And I was like, "Why?" And I sent him a link. He's like, "Oh- Beth (23:25): You do not want to get your phone wet. Steph (23:25): Yeah. He's like, "Don't wash it. Don't wash it." I was like, "No, no, it's a light. Sorry." Beth (23:31): So back on this idea of grief, there are, what do they say, five or six stages of grief? Steph (23:38): Mm-hmm (affirmative). Beth (23:40): And the first one is denial. Steph (23:42): Yeah. Beth (23:43): Yeah. I went through that one. And then anger, I feel like I've seen that manifest in some different ways. Well, denial and anger, I feel like I'm still seeing that sometimes in the news, and bargaining like, "Well, if I stay home enough then dah, dah, dah, but I could still go out with my friends or I could still meet a friend for coffee or whatever." Beth (24:06): And then the last two are depression and acceptance. So I think that, that might be applicable here. I think that we might experience ourselves and see the people that we care about going through those phases. And, like for my mom--Hey mom, hey if you're listening--so she just had her 78th birthday, and she lives alone, and I worry about her getting depressed, not being able to have any human contact. That kind of isolation is not okay. Beth (24:38): Now, I'm talking to her on the phone. My siblings are talking to her on the phone. She has lots of friends that are talking around the phone, and so she's not completely isolated, isolated. It's not like she's in prison in solitary confinement or something. But just the incredible change to her day to day life and incredible reduction in human contact. I do worry about that for her, and how the depression ultimately could negatively impact her. So it's a lot to think about. Steph (25:07): Oh, yeah. Beth (25:10): You know, like we talked about, this could go on for a long time, like for weeks and weeks. And so I have this feeling like I've been holding my breath just waiting to get through this, and now I'm realizing I have to just breathe, because I don't know when this is going to end. Didn't you say that you heard somebody say, they were holding their breath? Steph (25:29): I was walking with my neighbor that has the Greyhound, so we were walking our dogs. And this father and son were walking past us, and right before they passed us, and we were enough apart, it was a double sidewalk. And so as they were passing us, right before they passed us, I heard the dad say, "Hold your breath," to his son. And, because they weren't wearing masks, and we weren't wearing masks either, because we were outdoors, and we were far enough apart from them. Steph (25:55): But that's kind of what this virus has done though, is because it's airborne, and so he was doing his best to help protect his son by having them not breathe our airspace. But it was the strangest thing to think, "Wow, what this is doing to us when we see a stranger, like hold your breath. Don't get in that strangers airway because we don't know. We don't know." Steph (26:18): And I don't know, I don't really even know, it just made me feel weird. And I wasn't even offended. I think there's, in the past it would have been like, "Why are you offended," kind of thing. But in this day and age, I'm like, I don't find it offensive. It's just they're concerned. Oh also- Beth (26:36): It was not a commentary on you, at all. Steph (26:37): No. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it was just where we are. Also, the other day I walked out my house with Mac, and I was about to go walk her, but she kind of, sometimes she just stands there, because she's a Greyhound, and she does what she wants. And so she just stood there, and I saw these three ladies that were walking. And it took me a second, I like looked at them, because one was on one side of the street, one was on the other, and the one was behind them, like six feet behind them. And I like looked at them and I must have looked at them funny. I looked at them, and in my head I thought, "Wow, they're doing a good job, social distancing." But then they were also kind of like exercising arms up, kind of like really exercising, which is awesome. Steph (27:15): But then one of the ladies called me, she said something like, "We're just exercising. Don't make fun," something like that. It totally threw me off, and I was like, "Oh no, I was just admiring your social distancing." And then she kind of was like, "Oh, okay." Steph (27:29): I think she thought I was judging them for the way- Beth (27:31): Right. Steph (27:32): ... they looked when they're exercising- Beth (27:33): ... they way they were moving. Steph (27:33): ... which, not at all. I was completely admiring them and I was like, "Good job on social distancing." That's amazing when you have to look at a group to wonder if they're together, that's social distancing right there. That's what I was thinking. Beth (27:45): That's good social distancing. That's right. Steph (27:45): I was like, "Are they together," or because, at first, I was like, "Oh that's a lot of people outside. I need to stay away." But then I was like, "What, are they together? Oh they are." That's awesome. So I applauded them. I said, "Good job, ladies." Beth (27:57): They must've been feeling a little bit self conscious about it, to even have noticed that you were looking. Steph (28:01): I know. I think the one lady was like, "We're going to social distance, but we're going to exercise, and if anyone says anything I will defend us." And so I think she's the one that kind of piped up. She was ready for the first person to look at them weird. And I was like, "I am admiring you guys, not at all. Like good, get out there. Definitely exercise, stand apart." Yeah so I applaud that- Beth (28:24): Applauding you, not judging you, yeah. Steph (28:26): And also now last week, we talked about masks, because that wasn't a order yet- Beth (28:31): Right, right, or a recommendation. Yeah. Steph (28:31): And now it's a recommendation to wear masks, and my mom has actually made a couple of masks for us to wear. And she's made a couple of prototypes, and they're all better than the last. They're very good. Steph (28:44): The whole idea of a mask is when I'm wearing a mask, I'm wearing it to protect you. And when you wear a mask, you're wearing it to protect me. Because what they're saying, and the verbiage hasn't changed, there are over 30% of people that are asymptomatic, that could have the virus that don't show any signs. Steph (29:02): And so they're going to the grocery stores, because they don't know that they're sick. So if I have the virus and I wear the mask, I'm protecting you from getting the virus from me. And same thing, if you have the virus, and you're wearing a mask, you're protecting me. And so when I see people in a mask, I don't, at first before I kind of understood that, I was a little taken aback when I saw people in masks, because I was like, "This is making it too real. This is scary." Steph (29:27): But now I realize, it's almost a sign of care, when someone's wearing a mask. It's like they're trying to protect me, and I want to do the same for them even though I don't know that, that's widely, completely seen that way. Steph (29:39): But that's what it means when someone's wearing a mask, whether they know that, that's the reason they're wearing it or not. That's the true reason, is we're protecting each other. So I think if anything, it's a sign of caring for our fellow humans. Beth (29:54): Yeah. I had to make that same shift in my own mind because in the past, if I would see somebody wearing a mask, I would think, "Oh, they must really be sick." Steph (30:01): Yeah. Beth (30:03): And now I know, "Oh no, they're not wearing a mask, necessarily, because they're afraid I'm going to get them sick. It's that they don't want to get me sick. That's really kind and generous." Steph (30:12): And they don't know, if they're sick, if they're potentially sick. Beth (30:14): Yeah, yeah. Exactly. Right now, I feel great. If I were to have it, I would definitely be completely asymptomatic. So if I have to cough for some reason, I cough into my elbow, I wash my hands all the time. I'm still sanitizing surfaces. I'm doing everything I can, to not get it. And in that way, also, that's an act of love for yourself and neighbor. Beth (30:39): And then I'm not much of a sower, but my daughter does have a sewing machine. So I started last night trying to kind of practice with it, and see if maybe I can make a mask, because I would like to wear one the next time I have to go to the grocery store. Just for that reason, so that I am a person who is taking as much care as I can. Steph (31:00): Exactly. New Speaker (31:04): Thank you for joining us again this week. Last week we mentioned just some fun things we were watching. And I do want to let you know I'm finished with Gilmore Girls, so I am actively looking for something happy to watch that I can enjoy. Steph (31:21): I also watched the Gilmore Girls Year in the Life, which is like the newest of the Gilmore Girls franchise. And I think I said it in a past episode that it's not good. I have to say, watching it during a pandemic, I have different eyes. I thought it was pretty good. I am shocked to say, and my friend Emily, who was on the podcast, she will be shocked because we watched it together, originally and I was hating on it so much. Steph (31:47): But I watched it again during the pandemic, and it's delightful. There's no having to shelter in place in it. There's no, "We might all die from a virus." So it was delightful, just got to say. Are you watching anything Beth, that's delightful? Beth (32:02): The ending of the Year in a Life still stinks. Steph (32:04): You know what, that was the thing that killed me the most, was the ending, which I'm going to say the last four words, "Mom, yeah, I'm pregnant." Those are the last four words. Beth (32:15): Right. Not good. Steph (32:16): And if you are any fan of Gilmore Girls, you know how important those have been since the very beginning, is the creator always knew those last four words. But I got to say, now that I rewatched it, it's not so bad. It's not that bad. Steph (32:28): And I'm excited if they make some more, because this might be the time for everyone to rewatch that series, and I think you'll have different eyes. I'm just saying. Beth (32:38): Yeah, maybe I will. Maybe, yeah. Steph (32:40): Ending is not as bad. Beth (32:40): Yeah. Steph (32:41): Give it a chance. Beth (32:41): Because, I really didn't like the ending. Steph (32:43): I didn't either, but it's not so bad now. Beth (32:45): Another thing that I have not watched yet, but that I think I will get to, is that there used to be a show called Scrubs. Did you ever watch that? Steph (32:53): Oh, yeah. No, but I know it. Beth (32:54): So, okay, so the two main characters from that have been like rewatching it, and then talking about it. Steph (33:01): Oh. Beth (33:02): And they put that out, I think it's on YouTube, so that will be fine, because I thought that was a really funny show. But the thing that I am watching is the third season of Ozark. Steph (33:13): My neighbor's watching Ozark. He was telling me about it. Beth (33:15): If you're looking for fun or light or happy, this is not the show for that. Steph (33:19): Yeah, right? That's what I keep hearing. Beth (33:23): But, it's a very intense show, and so I'm totally bought into the story. And I'm totally worried about this family, and, now they're caught up in this Mexican drug cartel war between two different drug lords, and even though they live in the Ozarks. So, that's what I'm binge-watching. We're halfway through it. There's eight episodes, we've watched four. Steph (33:50): It's like number two or three on Netflix of like the top- Beth (33:53): It's number two behind Tiger King- Steph (33:55): Yeah. I know. Beth (33:56): ... which allegedly there's going to be another episode of Tiger King- Steph (33:59): Oh, my gosh. Beth (33:59): ... but it's according to Jeff Lowe, who's a huge liar, so who knows. Steph (34:01): Oh, well, yeah. Don't even get me started on that. Anyways, I did want to say, you mentioned the Scrub thing. There's a podcast that I listen to that's a super fun podcast. It's been out for a while, but it's called Office Ladies and it's two of the ladies from the show, The Office. Steph (34:21): They rewatch each episode of The Office, and they talk about it, and it's super fun. I've been listening to it since it came out, and I highly recommend it. I actually just listened to one this morning before we started our podcast and it was about the, no, Dwight speech is the one they just talked about. So I recommend that one. It's fun. It's light, and it's not about the pandemic, so I'm totally cool with it. Beth (34:47): Right. Right. So it's a good distraction- Steph (34:49): Exactly. Beth (34:49): ... which is really what TV should be, right. Steph (34:55): At the end of each episode, we like to end with questions for reflection. These are questions based on today's episode, and Beth will leave a little pause between each for you to pause the podcast, and answer for yourself, or you can download a PDF on our website. Beth (35:09): Number one, are you okay? Be honest. Number two, when this started, did you think you would be especially productive? Has that changed? Number three, have you caught yourself trying to discount or dismiss your feelings? Number four, does it help to hear more about the growing list of COVID-19 symptoms, or does that make you more anxious? Number five, do you feel like you've been holding your breath? It is okay to exhale. Steph (35:45): This has been the Discovering Our Scars Podcast. Thank you for joining us. Quotable
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Meet StephMental Health Advocate. Author. Podcast Host. DIYer. Greyhound Mom. 
Meet BethI'm a mom who laughs a lot, mainly at myself. #UMC Pastor, recent Seminary grad, public speaker, blogger, and sometimes lawyer. Learning to #LiveLoved. 
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