Steph and Beth have their very first guest! Steph’s mom, Vicki, stops by to discuss why she and Steph are not friends. They have an amazing relationship built on mutual respect, dialogue, and having fun together, but they are NOT friends. Even now that they are colleagues and business partners, they still aren’t friends. Beth shares why she takes the same approach with her kids—choosing motherhood over friendship. In this episode, Beth reminds Steph of the first time they met (which Steph didn’t remember!) and how Vicki was instrumental in that meeting. This Episode is packed with emotional moments, including Vicki’s emotional re-telling of how it felt for her when Steph told her she was dealing with Non-Suicidal Self-Injury.
Show NotesQuestions for Reflection
Each episode we offer you a few prompts to think about how that day's conversation applies to you. You might pause the podcast and answer them right then and there, but if you keep a journal (Steph and Beth both do), you might find one of these PDFs useful. Choose the orientation that fits best in your journal.
Transcript
Beth:
Welcome to the Discovering Our Scars Podcast. Steph: Where we have honest conversations about things that make us different. I'm Steph. Beth: And I'm Beth. Steph: I've been in recovery for 13 plus years and recently wrote a book, Discovering My Scars, about my mental health struggles, experiences, and faith. Beth: I'm a lawyer turned pastor who's all about self-awareness and emotional health because I know what it's like to have neither of those things. Steph: Beth and I have been friends for six years, have gone through recovery program together and when I wanted to start a podcast she was the only name that came to mind as my co-host. Beth: I didn't hesitate to say yes because I've learned a lot from honest conversations with Steph over the years. Steph: We value honest conversations and we hope you do too. Beth: That's why we do this and why we want you to be part of what we are discussing today. What is our topic today, Steph? Steph: Today, Beth, we are actually having our first guest! We are having an honest conversation about: My Mom's Not My Friend and our guest is. Beth: Dah, Dah, Dah. Steph: My mom. Beth: Hey Vicki! Vicki: Happy to be here. Steph: Yay. So before we even get started, we do want to acknowledge that we know not everyone has a healthy relationship with their mom. We know some of you may not have a mom may have a parental figure. So we really hope today you still can find some value in our honest conversation. Beth: Yes, that's right. And, and there's always something to be taken from every, from observing, every relationship, whether it's one that you have, you know directly in your life or not. So we think that this is going to be a really good conversation. So Vicki, I really like your daughter. I'm so happy being her friend. Why don't you want to be her friend? Vicki: That's a very interesting question and one that we get asked. Most people assume that Steph is my friend. And Steph is not my friend. Steph is my daughter and that's something that we've always felt. We've talked about it a lot through the years that I have lots of friends. I only have one daughter and that daughter, mother/daughter relationship is far different from if Steph was my friend. Steph: And I completely agree with you mom. That is to me, I only have one mom. And that is so much more important than, than the friendships in my life. Even though I love all my friends, you know, you're the top of everything. You're my mom. So I do have a question for you, Beth, though. Are you friends with your kids? Beth: No, I'm not actually. My mom always said the same thing to me when I was growing up, which is I'm not your friend, I'm your mom and just exactly what you said. You will have so many friends, but you only get one mom. And so I've, I actually have taken that same approach with my kids. I'll, I just, they know I'm not their friend. I'm their mom. And that, that's different and it's special in its own way and for its own reasons. And sometimes because I tend to be sarcastic if they'll say, oh, well in fact, just this week, Hannah, who is 15 said that she really wants to get a nose ring. And I said, no. And she said, but, but so-and-so, so and so's mom let her get a nose ring and I just said, oh I'm sorry so and so's mom doesn't love her as much as I love you but that's a mom who wants to be a friend in my opinion. So no offense, anybody who has a nose ring, it just, I don't think it would look right on Hannah. So it's been my position that she can't have one and as a mom I can take that position. I don't have to worry about, oh this is going to damage our friendship. No, I get to set boundaries and help her set boundaries because I'm her mom. Steph: I will say when I was younger I remember thinking: well that doesn't, I want to be her friend. Like why won't she be my friend? And I didn't really understand it back then but I totally get it now. So I think it comes with time. The understanding because there are like my friends that are like, oh my mom's my friend and I can see it and I get it now and how important it was that she's always been my mom. Even today, she's my mom and my business partner. Beth: Right! Vicki: Well, I've had that same relationship with my mother. My mother is 88 and she's never been my friend. She's my cheerleader. My champion is someone, she still will say, I'm proud of you. Your friends may say that, but coming from your mom, even at 65 and she's 88 is so incredibly powerful for me. I mean, I just, just value that when she says I'm proud of you. Yeah. Beth: Also, friends can come and go and mom's can’t, right? Friends can be for a season. Friends can be, you know, situational. You're in school together or you're in a, an organization together, but no, mom is always there. Vicki: Why do people want their mothers to be their friend? What is, what does that appeal? Beth: I think what I see in parents and teenagers sometimes is teenagers can be rough on you, right? They can be rough. And some parents really want to be liked and not just by there, not just by the world and not just by coworkers or whatever, but by their own children and they think, oh, if we're friends it means that they like me. And I think you just have to be secure enough in your own self to know I'm making the right decisions for my kids. And they're going to be times they don't like the boundaries that I said and that that's okay because I'm their mom. I'm not their friend. Vicki: Being a mom is, I mean, it's hard. I mean, there's a lot of times where you are not liked. I get that cold shoulder treatment. It's, it's tough. So I, and I understand it, Beth: For those who maybe haven't listened to every episode of the podcast, I just want to sort of give an encapsulated summary of, of your story and I want you to tell me what I get wrong. That's, that's okay to jump in. So Steph, you were abused when you were two, five and about 10 and all of the memories of that basically got repressed. And when you were a teenager, you started engaging in Non-Suicidal Self-Injury after being diagnosed with depression and that Non-Suicidal Self-Injury was not something that you talked to your mom about and the way that you've described it to me is: "I could tell my mom anything. I could tell my mom anything and I knew it would be okay. But I, I couldn't tell her that until I was ready." It was not any, it wasn't anything to do with mom. Right? Steph: It was your own, well, I knew it would affect her. I knew it would have an effect on the whole family and I knew she would do something right away. I hadn't fully worked it out, so I didn't want to put that burden on my mom, I think is what, is why, it took me so long as I knew, I knew how big this was and I didn't want to hurt my mom with that. So I was almost trying to protect her feelings since I hadn't figured out fully my stuff yet. And I never really fully figured it out. I just was forced to tell her because I knew if I left for school without dealing with this, that bad things would happen. Vicki: That was such a powerful moment that I still can exactly put myself in that place. Sitting in the car in front of Sonny's about 11 o'clock in the morning. You're wearing long sleeves and you telling me, mom, I have something to tell you. And we did. We you know, I went into mom mode, we're going to fix this or get help. I don't think I ever intended to fix it, but I did intend to get you support that you needed, which we did before you left. But I knew it wasn't, you weren't healed. I knew you weren't fixed. I knew, Steph: I want to go back to that moment where I told you where I finally admitted to you that I was essentially, I was powerless and needed help. And for me that was like a very pivotal moment because I had images of how that was going to go. I had the best case scenario and that's exactly what happened is that I told you I had been dealing with self-injury for for years and I was hiding it and I couldn't deal with this in my life anymore. And you didn't go, what? Why didn't you tell me? Why? What? How did I not know that you didn't freak out, you didn't get upset. You just said, "okay, we'll get you help. Thanks for letting me know." It was in that kind of sense. I don't remember the words for word, but that was the sense, that's the feeling I get when I remember that moment. I remember how hard it was. I remember we were sitting waiting for Sonny's to open and because it was hadn't opened yet. And that's the moment I remember you were supportive of me and I knew you would be. I just had to get that courage up to finally admit something, that I am flawed and that I am not perfect and I have made mistakes. And, and am maybe not the daughter that you thought. I was like, all of those things were what was going through my head and why I was afraid to do it, but also because I am the daughter you raised me to be is how I knew you would help. Vicki: I think if I were to offer any advice to mothers or parents and that that's exactly what you said is to keep those lines of communication open with your child and if they tell you something, you don't react, you just well, you do react. You react with love and compassion. I think the worst thing you can do as a parent is to react with judgment. Put on that flat face. Don't react and just let your child talk and don't just jump in and start trying to fix it. Sometimes people just need to talk and the last thing they want is you to come in and offer suggestions. But you know what's funny about that? When you told me? I don't remember eating lunch. Steph: Oh yeah. I don't remember either. I think we did. I think... Vicki: I'm sure we did, but I don't. I don't remember that part of the day. That's very interesting. Steph: What you just said though is the first thing is love is start with love. I mean discipline can come and those things can come, but the first reaction is love cause that's what that kid needs. And also acknowledging, you know, thanking them for sharing that. I mean for being willing to share it cause it was gonna it would come out at some point, but if they don't tell you directly, it's probably gonna come out in a worst place. So I think that's the, the first step is love there. Beth: Why do you think it was hard to admit that you had, that you had made a mistake when you, you knew that there wasn't going to be judgment? I'm really thinking about it as a mom. I'm thinking about that. Like how do I communicate to my kids that it's okay for them to make mistakes. I feel like I've really tried to communicate that, but even still they might have this sense that they, that there's some expectation that they'll be perfect. Steph: I think I always want my mom to be proud of me. I want to make her proud and happy by the things and the choices I make. And I generally do. I feel like I do make good choices. I know she'll love whatever happens, but the negative things are just so much harder to admit and to say, you know, I messed up. And so my mom, like her, one of her favorite phrases is, I'm not mad. I just disappointed class and oh my gosh, it's a dagger. You say it right now and then I'll say it right now. Vicki: I'm not mad. I'm just really disappointed. Steph: Ugh. Did you feel that? That was a dagger. Oh my gosh. I mean, she still does it in a joking way to me, but it still hits me hard. So like that's the thing is she doesn't get mad. She just gets disappointed, which is the worst. So I think that like, oh, she's going to be disappointed. She's not gonna be mad. I don't care about mad, she'll be disappointed. So I think that's why I always want to make her proud. Vicki: You've made me very proud. I'm not disappointed. When I look back that's really how I disciplined. I was not a spanker, you know, teaching them to make good decisions and I would be disappointed and that's really, I didn't have to physically spank them or discipline them. It's that, you know, you love your mom, you want to do the right thing when she's disappointed, it's devastating. And actually I can remember that same feeling with my my own parents that, oh, I can remember one particular incident where I knew really disappointed them. And when you have that and you internalize that, you teach yourself to make good decisions. You want your kids to make good decisions because they want to make good decisions. And I feel like that was an appropriate way to help my kids to learn to do that. Beth: Do you want to go public on the podcast with what you did that so terribly disappointed your parents? Steph: Dun-Dun-Dun. Vicki: I do not. Steph: Maybe we'll get her back in the future to share that. That's a little teaser. Vicki: I will share one parenting thing my mother did. I used to be a gum chewer. I do not chew gum now. My parents had a service station and they used to buy in bulk. Way before there was Costco they used to buy me bulk size packages. I've tried in gum and I would break those pieces in half. So I get twice the amount of gum. Well, as a teenager, I was messy. Well I'm sort of messy now too, but I would leave those wrappers everywhere. My mother in her wisdom said, you are not responsible enough and I am going to not buy you any more gum. I was like, what? And she never did. She stopped buying that gum because I was so irresponsible with my trash. And I think of that all the time that, you know, as a parent, if your child is doing something you don't like, well then stop giving into whatever it is that they're wanting to do or causing the difficulty. Steph: I've actually never heard that story. That's a good story. Well what is interesting about that is that I, I think comes back to mutual respect and that's something that we've always talked about is so important. Our relationship is mutual respect. You respect your kid. And your kid respects you. You weren't respecting your mom by leaving your trash around. It's not her responsibility to pick up trash. It's whoever left the trash. Vicki: She was doing me a favor. Steph: Yeah, exactly. Vicki: Then I just stomped all over it. Yeah. And that was instant discipline or whatever you want to call it. And it was like, okay, well I understand now I do the wrong thing that there's going to be consequence. Beth: So Vicki, you listen to the podcast, right? To this podcast? Vicki: I do, yes. It's the only podcast I listen to because I'm of a certain generation and I don't have to have sound or music or whatever going 24/7. I think it's a very generational thing, but I do listen to it. I actually listened to it from the comfort of my chair on my computer, not on a mobile device. Oh, again, generational. Yeah. Beth: That is interesting to me. I am, I have had a lot of fun actually since we started the podcast. I didn't expect it this to happen, but I've had a lot of fun like showing people how to get podcasts on their phone and I feel like they're willing to learn that and to, to learn something new and to do something different with their phone just so that they can listen to our podcast. I think that's really special and I know that every podcast or gets that, but we do. Vicki: Well, can I share something? Sure. I have a ladies group that I'm, I've had actually since 2005 I've had a variety of ladies come through and this current group is actually fairly consistent. And one of my ladies asked if I'm, she's a podcast listener and she asked if we could use them, the podcast and accompanying questions as our discussion. And I said, well you bring it up cause it'd be awkward for me to do that. But it was so cool. We met this past week and talked about it and all of a sudden though ladies brought out their phones and we had like this little tech session on how to download it and get started. So it was pretty cool because most of those ladies are more my age. Then the group that generally listens to podcasts. So it's exciting. It's gonna be exciting to see what kind of discussion comes out of that. Beth: Yeah, I'm excited that you guys are using the podcast that way. That was not something that we had thought about and I think it's really innovative and cool. So I'm glad that you're doing that. What I'm wondering is since you do listen to the podcast, what, what has it been like for you to watch this process with Steph of her writing the book, of her launching the podcast, of her really courageously sharing her story. What's that been like for you? Vicki: Well, if you can see me right now, I'm going to cry. Beth: We have tissues in place just because we thought this might happen. Steph: And there's nothing wrong with crying. We've addressed that in a podcast episode. Vicki: It took unbelievable amount of courage for her to write this book to come forward with the abuse. And every time she would, when she went to therapy, every time she would tell me what happened, you know, it's just a wound. It's a band-aid you pull off and all of a sudden it's just exposed. I think she came to terms with it way sooner than I did. I'm not sure I've totally come to terms with it. Can I admit that? Steph: That is okay. Vicki: Um it's still very hard. It's still very hard. Knowing there are people out there who haven't taken responsibility, but that doesn't define her life. It doesn't define my life. I think we need to be OK with distinct seeing ourselves from people who are toxic. That's okay. But anyway, I'm very proud of her for coming forward for writing this book. It's been out a fairly short amount of time, but the amount of the impact it's had on people it's, it's incredible. It's incredible that people find value in it and find healing. And in the long run it's going to be the absolute right thing to do. Steph: Well, mom, I have to say, I am just so proud and excited that you're our first guest. I'm so proud of you for really being honest and sharing your heart with us. And you gave me everything I needed and I have no regrets and no nothing that's happened in my life. I think I don't think back and say, oh, why didn't So-and-so do this? Why didn't somebody do that? I feel like my life happened exactly how it was supposed to happen and I'm so blessed that you've been been and are still my mom. And you gave me all the skills I needed to be where I am today. So even though there were really hard times that we've both gone through, I'm so proud of where we are today. Beth: You know, I love, I do really love watching you guys together and, and I really always have, I don't even know if, if you remember Steph, the first time that we met? We've never talked about this, but we met actually in Orlando. Yeah. Oh look, she's making a face at me now. Because your mom and I had gone down for a MOPS event, a Mothers of Preschoolers event. There was a convention down there and a group of us got a house. And your mom brought you-- Steph: Yeah, I remember the house. Beth: --To The house? Yeah, and I remember thinking why is Vicki bringing her? Because she's not a mother of preschoolers and she's not a mentor mom. And like what are we going to have in common? And we had great conversations. Steph: Me and you did? Beth: Like the whole group. It was a whole big group. Steph: I was going to say I feel really bad. I don't remember that. Wow. That's the first time we met? Beth: So yeah, that was the first time we met. Steph: Wow. Okay. Vicki: I've known Beth forever. Beth: So I have really always enjoyed watching you guys together the whole time that, that I've gotten to know you. You have such a strong relationship. I think you've touched on some of what is sort of your secret sauce. I think mutual respect as part of that. I think that honest dialogue is a big part of that. I, I'm curious if you could share the story of how that, how that really blossomed into Mother Daughter Projects. Vicki: Well, that happened quite by accident. Steph bought a house back in 2013 and she had she had some professionals come in and do some work and also had some bad experiences with those professionals. And she had one last big project that was to re-screen her porch. And she asked me, she said, you know what, I've been doing some research. I think it's something that we can do. And I was like, okay, let's do that. I'm sure I wasn't very enthusiastic because oftentimes when she asked me to do something like that, it's that very enthusiastic. But sure enough, it was easy to do. And she said when she was doing her research that there were not a lot of good videos out there on how to re-screen a porch. And I said, you know what, your background's in TV production. I think you should do that. So I got the iPhone out, I started filming and we did it. She edited it. It did okay. And we did, I think we did five more-- Steph: Five more videos-- Vicki: And then we uploaded them to YouTube. And then it just, it just evolved. It just was very organic. And continues to be very organic growth. It just seemed like something that we should do and oops, oops, I used the word "should," I'm sorry. Steph: And then though-- Vicki: Something we wanted to do. Steph: It seemed like something we should do and then we really took some time to think about it and we decided it's something we wanted to do and actually that's what that five video was, was that it felt like something we should do. And then I said, okay, let's do five videos and if after five we really like this and we want to do it, then we'll continue. And that's what happened is we didn't just do it because we thought we should. Like because people the first one, so you know, we should just make more. We decided we wanted to only fully committed to it. Beth: And now you spend a lot of time doing that. Vicki: A lot of time. It's basically full time. Prior to Mother Daughter Projects, I was keeping my two oldest grandchildren while their mother worked outside the home. I started doing that in the Fall of 2010 and that took, that was basically full time. And then 2015 was the year that my third grandchild was born, her mother decided to stay home. So I was footloose and fancy free. So really Mother Daughter Projects took up the slack from where I was so invested in the daily lives of my grandchildren and really came at a time that I needed that. Steph: And I moved to Tallahassee in 2013 to be closer to my niblings and that is how, that's how I ended up here. So like if I hadn't been in Tallahassee, Mother Daughter Projects wouldn't have happened. And just kind of this series of things that we would have never planned, could have never planned that just was a very amazing happy creation. Beth: You are, you were doing mother daughter projects and it's this full time endeavor and you're creating incredible projects and you're making these really wonderful videos and, and really guiding people in how to do their, to care for their own own home. This DIY For Homeowners and then Steph says, "mom, I'm going to write a book." What did you think about that idea? Vicki: Actually I wasn't sure how that was going to work. Steph has talked about being dyslexic and it's extremely hard for her to read an extremely hard to write. Actually I do all the writing. When we do post I do the tutorials and these letter writing, things like that because it is so difficult for her. And I was really as a mom thinking, you know how she going to do this? It is so hard to do. But she did it. Beth: Did it surprise you that she wanted to write a memoir? Vicki: I don't think it really surprised me because she had been talking about it and wanting it to her story to hopefully help other people who are in a similar situation. I think when you put those kinds of stories in writing it gives people read them, it gives them permission to talk about their own story. And I, I truly believe that talking about the trauma in your life is the first step to healing by Steph being so vulnerable to do that. It's like, Hey, this woman can do that then I can do it. And it just opens the door and gives, gives other people permission to take that first step. I'm very proud of you for doing the work. A lot of people, including myself are not willing to do the work and I do feel guilt that maybe if I had taken care of my own depression, that it wouldn't trickle down to you. It's hard to do the work. It's hard to look at yourself and try to fix things. Sometimes it's easier to live it other than we all know where really isn't that easy to live with. I admire anyone who's willing to go to a therapist to go to a 12-step study, is willing to talk to someone and define healing. Especially for moms, it's hard. I can remember. It's probably when you were four when I was having such a difficult time--Steph was very strong willed and at four I didn't have the, I didn't have the skills to cope with her and I can remember sitting in my ladies group just wishing someone would say, how are you? Because I was hurting so much. No one said, how are you? It was shortly after that. Then my mom said, well, we had scheduled a visit and she came and got her. It was such a relief. I had to send my child away. It's hard for a mom to admit that she can't deal with her child. She was gone probably two weeks and we met at Wildwood and picked her up and I remember telling my mom, I said, you'll never know what this meant to me. I think now we have that vehicle in place where if a mom's hurting, you can talk to other moms and there's, there's no judgment. It's tough even though you want and you love your children, there are times when it's so incredibly difficult. Beth: I really struggled with anger when my kids were toddlers and I remember reading a book by Julie Barnhill called "Watch Out She's Going To Blow." It's like my favorite like self-help book ever and it's not even really a self help book, but it just helped me a lot. And she shares a story in there about going to, actually it was a women's Bible study and it was designed for moms and she went and she said to her friends, I mean these people were supposed to be her friends and she said that she was struggling with anger towards her kids and she didn't know what to do and she said it was like crickets. You could hear a pin drop. And then someone finally said, okay, well moving on. You know, they just completely were not there for her. Probably because they hadn't done their own work and they weren't self-aware enough to know about their own or to be honest, you know about their own inadequacies maybe is is the way to phrase that. I actually think in some ways Vicki meeting you right when I did, I think that my kids were about four and two. They might've been five and three when I actually got to meet you for the first time. I remember you saying, this is so silly, someone said something about holding the babies. Oh yeah. Well well we need somebody to hold babies. Oh yeah, we'll get Vicki to hold babies and you were so direct and kind. And you said, I don't hold babies. I don't love to hold babies either. And I had always been afraid to say that like that it made me less than as a mom to not want to like cuddle up with the newborns. And I really, I'm like, you know, you hit 9, 10, 11 months. Yeah, I want to hold you then. But until then I just am a little bit uncomfortable. And it was like one of those little things you were just being yourself. But it gave me a little bit of awareness into my own self and also, and also permission to be myself. So just one of those little like Vicki moments. Priceless. Vicki: You know, that changed. That changed for like out my own grandbabies, which really surprised me because I really did not enjoy holding babies. But once I got those grandbabies, I would hold anybody's baby and I would do it now too, which is just so funny. And people who do remember me being very hands off. Just laugh. Vicki: Mom you mentioned just recently that you felt like less than, because you didn't bring us to all of the things. I just wanted to say we didn't do all the things, but the things that you had us do was you made me paint the house and you made me fix the broken toilet and you made me pull up the carpet and the living room to paint the concrete. You know, at the time I got to admit I didn't enjoy it. I was like, oh, why do we have to do all this? And Mom's like, well number one, it's our house and we take care of our house. And number two, we don't have all the money to give the people to do it. So we're going to do it. I, as I got older, I did start to enjoy it. And then obviously when I bought my house I'm like, well let's get to it. I didn't do all the things when I was younger, but I learned some really good valuable skills and guess what? That's what I'm doing today for living, getting paid to do it. So that's pretty cool. I don't think if I took gymnastics that I would have been a gymnast when I grew up. So I think I think you did the perfect right choice for our activity even if I didn't enjoy it exactly at the time. As we said, we worked together on a daily basis. We see each other probably too much, but just the right amount. So we've been working together. It's now four years with that. We'd been doing DIY for Homeowners by Mother Daughter Projects. So my question for you, cause I'm not sure the answer is what does it mean to you? What does it feel like? What does it mean to you to do mother-daughter projects and work with your daughter? Beth: Who is not your friend? Vicki: Was not my friend. She is my she's my colleague when it comes to Mother Daughter Projects. I don't know. I find myself in a very unique position as someone who is 65 and I find myself with this whole brand new career. It's not made up of people who look like me. Online content creators are, for the most part, not in their sixties. They're not gray-haired. And I just can't believe I get to do this on a daily basis. And one of the things that when my husband and I did premarital counseling was our counselor said that you should save some of your education for your golden years. And I always thought that meant that I was going to go back to school and get my PhD and that's not what it means. And I'm finding my education has come in, in the form of doing DIY projects and I continue to learn every single day. I continue to learn something new every single day. And that keeps you your brain active. It gives you something to look forward to. I absolutely love learning new things and I absolutely love learning to use new tools. We just got a new scroll saw and I can hardly wait to do my first project. I mean I'm, I'm so excited! Now how many people my age can say that they're looking forward and excited to learning something new, learning a new skill? And basically what I do now teaching people and that's what we do. It's really teaching people, showing people how to do things. It's really something I've trained for actually my whole life. I was a 4-H member and one of the things we had to do was demonstrations. And I absolutely love to do demonstrations. And you know, one of the biggest fears people have is public speaking. And that's what demonstrating is. It's public speaking. And I never had that fear. I may not have been as good with it as other people. But I love the demonstrate. I'd love to do the research. I love to do the project, I love to love to do it. And I went into Home Economics Education, which is not a thing anymore. My program does not exist. But really what I learned at school is exactly what I'm doing. I'm just teaching people in a whole different media instead of standing in front of a person and showing them how to, you know, sew a seam or cook a roast, I'm online and a video showing people how to do things. So I think it's kind of cool that what I trained for, even though it doesn't exist, it exists in another form. And I'm just thrilled that I'm able to do this. Steph: Not only do you learn through DIY projects, but you know all about social media. You run our Pinterest, we have crazy numbers on there because of you. So when people sometimes will think, oh Steph does all the technology part, I do some. But you do a lot as well. So as much as you're doing the projects you're doing behind the ton of behind the scenes stuff too, so it's amazing to work with you mom. Vicki: Thanks. I do need to say that one of the reasons why we're able to work together so well. Well one number one is a mutual respect. Number two is we have a lot of fun. We do a lot of laughing. So much so that sometimes it's hard to get through a video because we're laughing. It's hard because you know what's some of the stuff we do is pretty absurd, you know, when you're trying to set up a shot. And then also also trying to do actual DIY. It's just funny. It just comes across-- Steph: Especially when we film in a closet or, a bathroom or a hallway, the smallest space as possible. Vicki: And you know, something happens like a giant bug flies in front of the camera. Steph: That's happened twice. Vicki: That has happened twice! Or a\ big truck goes by it's just funny. And you know, we'd let the laughter come and it's just you know, we can't take ourselves too seriously. Beth: So Vicki, if people want to know more about Mother Daughter Projects, what you and Steph are creating, where's the best place for them to do that? Vicki: Well, it depends on your age. If you're young, you can go to Instagram. If you're my age, you can go to Facebook. If you're a male between 35 and 45 you can go to YouTube. They are laughing at me right now and if you want any, actually we, if you want everything you can go to our website that's motherdaughterprojects.com or you can also use DIYforhomeowners. Both of those we'll get you to the same place, but there are lots of places to find us. Beth: I'm wondering, other than the Discovering Our Scars Podcast, which I know is your #1 podcast, what else are you into right now? What are you reading? Is there a book you're really into or a TV show that you're a binge-watching? Like what else are you doing? Vicki: I have a whole bunch of old Family Handyman magazines that I get at a yard sale that I'm going through and finding tool tips and things like that. 'Cause I'd like to, I'd like to share those because they're really, really cool. But how nerdy is that? Steph: She wants to reinvent them into videos. That's cause they're all written in social ones. Share them through video. Vicki: In a way that's easy to digest because they are, they are really good tips and people aren't going to go back to those old magazines and look them up. And I just think it's good content. Beth: I have to ask, how much did you pay for the magazines at the yard sale? Steph: They were probably free. Vicki: They were not free! I think I got the whole lot for a dollar. Beth: And how many magazines do you think are in there? Speaker 3:30? 40? I don't know. It's a lot. Steph: That's another thing about my mom and she loves yard sales. Vicki: Well, I've got to tell a story on Beth. I found something at a yard sale for Beth and Beth is not keen on yard sale stuff, but she had done a Facebook Live. It was all through Lent. And she was talking about different versions of the Bible. And I went to this yard sale and they had a page in a frame of one of these bibles that she had talked about. Beth: The Geneva Bible! Vicki: Geneva Bible. And I thought, oh, this would be so cool for Beth. So I took it to her and I said, Beth, I got you something, a yard sale. And the look she gave, I don't think I'll ever forget it. I was like, ah. So I mean I felt bad. Steph: She's probably thinking, "is it dirty socks, oh no!" Vicki: But I gave it to her and she was thrilled. Beth: I'm so sorry that I made a face, but I have to, I'll tell you, I have it. You know, I've just changed jobs and so I have this new office and it is prominently displayed Steph: With a sign under it: It's from a yard sale, don't touch it. Beth: It was really funny that because just about the same time that you gave me that, like just within a couple of weeks before that, I had actually bought myself a page out of that Bible and I knew what a page out of that Bible was worth. And so I was really shocked that you had gotten such a good deal at the yard sale, but I know that that is part of your, one of your talents, I get that. So I have that in my office. I also have you brought me a framed thing about how children should act in church that was from an old book. I have that up there and like the 1920 discipline of the Methodist Church as part of a collection of books and some sermons, all of that is very proudly displayed in my office. Steph: Your office is just basically a big old yard sale, it sounds like. Wow. My Mom's influence on you. Vicki: Well when I got those, those old books, I mean I thought long and hard. I stood there in front of that, that that guy's bookcase, that's an old pastor and I thought, oh, what should I get these? I'm not sure, you know, after the first reaction on that. So I took a chance and I got them. I thought, you know, I hate to leave them here. They're very old books and there by someone that Beth knew and I thought I just need to get them. And I got them and they were like a buck or something. Beth: And I love them so thank you. Thank you for thinking of me. Steph: Now that you've given her a lot of stuff so she built up the confidence, you should like give her an old sock from a yard sale and see her reaction. Vicki: When I circle back, Beth, you're on my list! Steph: Everyone's always on her list. Beth: I can't wait for the treasures. Vicki, thank you so much for taking the time out to be here with us today and for being vulnerable with us and and for participating in our honest conversation. We really, we really do love you and appreciate you. Thank you. Vicki: Thank you so much. I've enjoyed being here. Steph: Thanks mom. Steph: At the end of each show, we like to end with Questions For Reflection. These are some questions we've written based on today's show and you are welcome to answer them in your head or on paper. We also have a pdf you can download from our website and if you don't want to answer them then we'll see you next week. Beth: Question number one: Do you think of your mom as your friend or as your mom? Reflect for a moment on your relationship. #2: What's been the most challenging part of the relationship between you and your mom or the mother figure in your life? #3: Have you ever kept something from your mom or mother figure because you wanted to protect her feelings? Have you ever done this to protect your own feelings? Why did you feel the need to do that? #4: What is your favorite memory with your mom? Steph: This has been the Discovering Our Scars podcast. Thanks for joining us.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
Meet StephMental Health Advocate. Author. Podcast Host. DIYer. Greyhound Mom. 
Meet BethI'm a mom who laughs a lot, mainly at myself. #UMC Pastor, recent Seminary grad, public speaker, blogger, and sometimes lawyer. Learning to #LiveLoved. 
|
||||||
RSS Feed