That Time I Got a Ripped Skin Cross Tattoo

While I was writing, Discovering my Scars, I knew I wanted a photo taken for the front cover. I didn’t want my face shown, but I thought about maybe being able to see the scars on my arm in the picture. I didn’t put a ton of thought into it, though, as I had my hands full with writing the darn book!

After the book publication process started, the need for the front cover photo came up fast! I always knew I wanted my talented photographer friend, Daniel Kuykendall, to take the picture. We talked about ideas, and we liked the idea of seeing my feet walking in the woods, as it ties into my subtitle of “Learning to take a giant leap forward, while taking two steps back.”

While we were on the phone planning the photoshoot Daniel said, “Isn’t your tattoo on your ankle? We can get that in the photo!”

The moment Daniel suggested this, my face lit up! I love my tattoo, and I see it as a scar of my choosing (which I go into more detail in Discovering My Scars). I instantly knew that was my front cover! I headed to Orlando for the photoshoot. 

I love how the photo came out, and I’m so proud to have my beautiful tattoo on the cover of Discovering My Scars.

How It Happened

In middle school, I started thinking about getting a cross tattoo, and kept thinking about it for over a decade. When I was 26, I started doing serious research on the process. I watched shows about tattoos, I researched local shops, read reviews, asked people that had tattoos, and researched brands of tattoo ink and any complications.

I spent time praying, and thinking about what it would mean to permanently add artwork to my body. I wrote out the where, what, and why. 

Where: 
Left inside ankle  

What: 
My skin will appear to be cut away in layers to reveal a wooden cross. The skin will look 3D, but not bloody. The wooden cross will look old and worn. *It will have cut marks along the surface, with a few cut lines in red. The top of the Cross will have a lopsided gold crown. The crown will be bold and beautiful. The Crown will appear to be above the skin, as if it has risen to the surface from inside the skin.

Why:
When I was 6-years-old I didn't publicly stand up in church and accept a life of Christianity. I went to my bedroom, closed the door and asked Jesus Christ to stay with me forever. It was a very personal connection and commitment I made that night, and has stayed that way ever since. The cross deep inside my skin represents that connection. 

The worn look to the cross represents the trials God has helped me overcome in my life. *The red marks over the cross represent the blood of Christ, and my struggles with self-injury. The crown represents new beginnings. It represents my production company, Crowned One Productions, and is a constant reminder of the pure joy I get from creating. 

I have many scars that will be on me for life. Getting a tattoo puts me in control and lets me pick something that will remind me of where I've been, and where I'm going.

*Note, the artist and I decided the red lines would be too much in the final tattoo and did not make it into the final design.

After researching, I went to Ascension Tattoo in Orlando, Florida with my friend, Jason,  to check it out and see if I got a good “vibe” from the place. The first person to talk to us was tattoo artist Zac Adkins. He made me feel really comfortable with the process and I shared my tattoo idea with him. I made an appointment for a few weeks later.

The day came, October 24th 2012. I took the day off of work, even though my appointment was not until 6pm. I filled my time by seeing the “Pitch Perfect” movie.

I arrived at the shop early. Zac showed me the drawing he had made which I loved! The only change I had him make was to tilt the crown to the side. He placed the stencil, and got started. 

I was a little apprehensive about the tattoo gun as we got started because…

1. I thought I might have flashbacks to the ER where I got stitches in my arm. 
2. I might like the feeling of the needle which could trigger my NSSI.

All those fears went out the window when he started, as all I felt was physical pain. My brain kept telling me to run out of the shop and never come back! I spent the whole time convincing myself to stay, and that the pain was temporary. 

​I did stay, and so happy I did! I love my tattoo more everyday, and find joy in its meaning.

Do I want more tattoos? 

​Yes! I want a three stud LEGO brick on my right wrist, to represent my three niblings (2 nephews and niece) and my love of LEGO!

I also want a simple dove on my left wrist. The dove has a lot of meaning to me after being in the mental hospital. I received a card with a dove on the front, and it gave me the strength to keep going and not lose myself.

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Do you have any tattoos?

What’s the meaning behind them?
​
​I would love to hear about it in the comments below!