If even for a moment, these are the things...
What Makes You Happy?
I’ve been struggling lately with my job. I’ve been contemplating whether it is still the job I want and need to do.
And then I come to SHOULD.
Should I work for myself? Should I be a YouTuber? Should I have a real job? Should I work a 9-5?
I hate to be shoulded on. I hate when society and others tell me what I SHOULD do.
I try to turn it into want and need.
Do I want to work for myself?
Do I need to be a YouTuber?
Do I want a real job (is this not a real job?).
Do I need a 9-5?
Also I hate writing. I’m dyslexic so it never came naturally to me. It was hard to write a book when writing is so foreign to me. But the content was not. The book is full of me, and I know me. Well, at least I have dedicated the last 15 years to trying to know and understand me.
That’s what my book, Discovering My Scars, is about. Me. But maybe you too. It’s interesting that the more I learn others’ truth, the more I see my own in theirs. Truth is hard. Truth hurts. But Truth has set me free.
I’m struggling with my job. I’m an online content creator, making DIY videos for homeowners with my mom at Mother Daughter Projects.
It brings me joy when someone finds our videos and is able to do the project for themselves. It beings me joy when a single mom is able to do the project that she never thought she could. It brings me joy when a guy listens to two ladies teach him how to fix that thing, and now he can. The countless comments are validation to why this is my job.
But then there are the hate comments. The ones that make fun of how I pronounce things. These make me question WHY. The comments that tell us to get back in the kitchen and make a man a sandwich, the sexual comments, and the “your an idiot” comments continue to bring to question, should I go on?
Every piece of content I put out is a piece of me. It all took time, thought, and effort to release into the world.
If I went back to 9-5, I wouldn’t put that content out. I could keep all those parts of me inside, not to be released to the world.
But does releasing myself into the world give me life? Does it keep me alive to share those parts of me?
If I had a dollar for every time I questioned my job, I wouldn’t have to question it anymore cause I could be rich. But I don’t want to be rich. I just want to live a simple life, be able to buy the things I need, and live comfortably.
Can this job create that life? Has this job created that life?
I guess we will have to wait and see.
A few years ago my friend Emily invited me to kayak with her. I had never been, but was willing to try it. Well, I loved it! I loved everything about it--from the ease of the paddle, to the feeling of floating on water, to the calm, quiet breeze on the open water.
I could not wait to go again! But then life got in the way, and I didn't get to go for sometime. But now I have made it a priority to do more outdoor activities, especially kayaking.
I love Starbucks. I know, it’s a chain and lots of shops sell drinks. But I love the experience of it all. I love mobile ordering. I love the feel of the Starbucks cup in my hand. I love that they are everywhere! Even when I travel to someplace unfamiliar to me, there is the familiarity of a Starbucks, and I find comfort in that.
For the past few years, I have also used Starbucks as an office. I live about 2 minutes from a Starbucks, and got into the habit of going a few times per week to get written computer work done. I work from home, which is awesome, but when I’m home and working on something not fun, I can easily get distracted. I found I got this kind of work done way faster when at Starbucks. I also got to reward myself with a fun drink while I worked.
COVID-19 changed all that.
Two weeks ago Mac was playing in her BFF’s backyard. Layla and Mac are both retired racing greyhounds and live across the street from each other. They love to sniff butts, run, and just stand next to each other.
Mac started to dig in the dirt, which was very adorable, and Layla thought it looked like fun too. As Layla’s parents and I watched the dogs play, Layla’s mom said, “Oh no, Mac is limping.”
I noticed it, but was not too concerned as this has happened before, and Mac just walks it off and is perfectly fine. I did go to check on Mac, and noticed blood on my hand after touching Mac’s leg. I braced myself, as concern started to set in.
I’ve had visible scars on my left forearm for 14 years (scars left from nonsuicial self-injury). NSSI was my coping method of choice in my early 20’s. The short story, I was coping with unresolved emotions from abuse in my childhood. The long story, is in my book, Discovering My Scars.
The first few years, I covered the scars in different ways whenever I was in public:
I did so because:
Monday’s get such bad wrap! I have never understood why Monday seems to be the most disliked day of the week.
I see Monday as the start of something brand new. There is a whole week of possibilities, and I have no idea where they might lead. I make a weekly plan on Sunday night so I have an idea of where I want the week to go, but I never know exactly how it might unfold.
I can clearly remember when Frozen, the Disney movie, came out. I remember seeing ads with a silly snowman and reindeer, and wrote it off as just another kids’ movie. It wasn’t until New Years Eve, when a friend told me Idina Menzel is the voice of Elsa, that I look another look. I thought she just had a song on the soundtrack; I didn’t know she IS Elsa!
I have been a huge fan of Idina since hearing her on the Wicked Broadway soundtrack in 2003, and have been following her projects ever since. I was a little embarrassed that I did not know about the huge part she had, but no matter, I went to see Frozen the next day on New Years day with my friend, Jason.
I, of course, loved it! Frozen was not the Disney movies I grew up with (and was not a fan of). This was about family love. This was about powerful women that didn’t just live happily ever after with their prince (or give up their voice to be with him).
October 17, 2018 I got the call (as I was entering Home Depot) that my book was accepted for publication by Morgan James Publishing (MJP)! I had been in contact with Karen Anderson, MJP Associate Publisher, since January about my book and the work I still needed to do. So when she called me that day, it felt like a giant leap forward in getting my book, Discovering My Scars, into the world!
Fast forward over a year later, with my book now in hand and book to be released to the public January 2020, I got an email about the MJP Next Level training event.
I was unsure. I was nervous. I didn’t know how I would support myself.
But God knew, and that was enough for me to take the leap.
Four years ago, I took a giant leap forward by quitting my full time job and becoming a full time online content creator and business owner.
And now, 4 years later…